Jade's Babblings

I'm sick. My throat hurts, my ears are blocked, my eyes burn, and I feel feverish. My throat was bothering me a little bit yesterday but John and I still went out. My friend Crystal from high school invited us out to her new place in Worcester since she was having some friends over.

We didn't stay too long. I didn't really know anyone else. There was this girl Bonnie who showed up as we were leaving. I went to HS with her too. John rolled down his window and we waved goodbye. I thought maybe Bonnie would recognize me. I mean we only graduated in 2000. Am I that unimportant? But she gave us this real snotty look. She was always like that though. In hs she was the cheerleader, she and her boyfriend got class couple, that kind of stuff. I have no problem with people that like as long as they don't have an attitude, but she did. I was in gym class for a year with her and my friend Jess N. I guess Bonnie was friends with Jess too and she was the type of person who couldn't let you talk to someone she was friends with. If Jess and I were chatting, Bonnie always had to butt in. Some people never change.

But it was nice to see Crystal. John and I are going to have her out to see us sometime.

I went to the meeting all by myself yesterday morning. I stayed through the public talk (give by someone from one of my old halls - I just can't escape) and the Watchtower. Then I talked to a couple elders after the meeting. I went to the Hopedale hall but they said there's actually one in Franklin like down the street from where I live. But they're having their AC worked on anyway so I'll just go to Hopedale for the next three weeks.

On woman came up to me as I was waiting for the elders and tried introducing herself. I had to tell her I was disfellowshipped. God, was that embarrassing. Then I talked to the elders and one of them took me to get some magazines up at the front. This other lady behind me was joking around and was like, "Oh, you're stealing all our magazines, huh?" I just kind of laughed and then turned back around. But she kept talking to me and asked if I had a special call I was going on or something that I needed all the mags for. I had to tell her I was df'd. I started crying right there at the magazine counter. No one noticed though. I was quiet about it.

The guy running it asked how come I needed so many too and the elder that was with me just looked at me and said, "She's been away for a while." which I thought was nice. So the mag guy said, "Well, then we'll get you all up to date won't we?" in a real cheery voice. So now I have a couple months' worth of magazines. Yay.

Today is Memorial Day and John and I actually had the day together. Even though I'm sick, which sucks. We went to Friendly's for breakfast and then we went to his parents' to pick up a bill. His Aunt Eileen was there too and she said that her son Michael is getting into computer stuff now. We said we were looking for a monitor for the tower that someone gave us when we moved out. So she said we should call him. We got to see the half-finished basement where we used to live. Crazy. I think John's going to want to move back down there. Valerie wants to borrow our air matress in about a month. She's having a family reunion and she has five people from Ireland staying with her. Kinda cool. I can't wait to meet them.

so then it was off to Staples to get a power cord for my latpop cuz it's all falling apart. On the way home we called Michael and he said he's got a few monitors and we can have one for free. so we're going over there around two. Now if I can just make myself feel better before work tomorrow I'll be happy.

I've got about an hour before we have to leave and John is playing his Star Wars xbox game. He loves that thing. I should really play Sims some more, but I don't think I could stare at the TV right now. I feel too icky. Here's to the changing of the seasons - it never fails to make me feel ill.

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday. . .

In the morning, that is. And guess where I am. Nope, not at home snuggled up on the couch with a good book. Nope, not out hanging out with Sarah and Paul. Nope, not even off visiting with my parents.

I am at work.

You heard right. Work.

Ever since I started here back in February my boss has occasionally said on a Friday that if I want to I'm welcome to come in on the weekend. Now, we all know that when a boss says "welcome to" it means "come in on the weekend and get some work done or you're not going to be here long". Thing is, I haven't been able to the three or four other times he's asked due to one reason or another. Once it was because we were leaving for CIII soon and I hadn't finished packing and such.

The weekends are my own. That's the time I have to myself so that I won't kill my co-workers during normal business hours. But here I am. I'm a temp and I figure if I want to stay here as long as the other temps have (one of them three years) I'd better come in occasionally.

I pulled into the employee parking lot on the side of EMC and noticed I was the ONLY car there. I thought that was odd but proceeded to walk up to the side entrance that employees use during the week. I swipe my ID card. . . nothing. So I walked (I should have driven; it's a big building) around to the front entrance. Swiped my card. . . nothing.

I had to knock on the glass and the security guy, who was probably a year younger than me, opened the door for me. I said it was the first time I was in here on a Saturday and I wasn't sure why my card wasn't working. He looked at me like I was the dumbest person on the planet and said, "Did you enter your pin?"

Of course! My pin! Duh. I'd completely forgotten. You have to enter your pin on the weekends and on week nights after seven. So I swiped my card at the door to get into the actual building (he had only let me into the lobby) and then stood there for a moment as the light blinked yellow waiting for me to enter my precious pin number.

I turned to the security guard, "Um. What would the - "
"It's the last four digits of your social security number."
"Ah, thank you."
He goes back to whatever important thing he was doing on the computer and I have another moment of panic as I try to recall the last four digits of my social security number. I finally got it and then came up here.

ALL the lights were off and there is NO ONE here. That's fair, right? I figured out where the lights were at least without having to call security. He would have LOVED that. : )

So, here I am for the next couple hours. I can hardly wait for the fun to begin.

Usually this blog is simply devoted to day-to-day events, but every once in a while people in this world are just so annoying that I have to write about it on here lest I explode from frustration.

This is not quite THAT bad, but it comes close.

As you all know (hopefully) by now, I’m a member of the 501^st Legion. This group is a blast and I have no doubt that I’m in the best garrison in the entire legion – the NEG (New England Garrison). For the most part we all get along and organize things nicely. This complaint is not about them at all. They really are some of the only friends I have left since I’ve been disfellowshipped. A ton of the NEG came to the housewarming party that John and I had and I’ve been forever grateful that they did because it really made our night.

We’ve gone out to dinner with this couple, Brian and Jodi. They’re really great together. The type of people you look at and just say, they’re perfect for each other. We’re going to Jodi’s dance recital on June 5^th, which should totally rock. I can’t wait.

We’re constantly getting invites from Migz and his girlfriend Bobbi Jo – two of the nicest people you’ll ever meet.

And this past weekend in Danvers I got to see Bob, Aaron, Craig, Ashton, Sandy, Bill, Sean. . . The list goes on and on trust me. I’m just so proud to be involved with these guys because they are people of true character. An event with them never fails to make me smile. Smiling is increasingly hard for me some days.

That being said, it’s always doubly painful when things get heated in the 501^st itself. I mean, we’re all adults (for the most part) and we’re mostly logical yet we can have a discussion about whether or not Anakin in his Jedi robes is evil for weeks and just yell and scream and get all pissed off. It’s insane.

My personal opinion? I know some people won’t like it, but here it is anyway. It’s my blog. Might as well write what I think in it.

People need to use common sense. Yes, I know that it’s not so common. But there it is. I posted the example to the legion board that if you are a girl you should not dress up as Han Solo and expect to get membership. Don’t then complain that you’re being discriminated against because you’re a girl. In the same fashion people who do not look at all like Hayden Christensen (sp) should not dress up as Anakin. If you like his costume or something, fine. Make it yourself and then just call yourself a dark Jedi or something.

Of course this discussion quickly went where it should not have which is into “I’m fat. Why can’t I be Princess Leia?” Here’s the thing – and it’s going to sound absolutely horrible, but that’s life – if you do not look like the character DO NOT dress up as them. Plain and simple. Whether it’s because you’re overweight, underweight, way too tall, way too short, so on and so forth until I get yelled at for being prejudiced or what have you.

When I posted that a woman responded with this:
“We've had female Corellian Pilot outfits at previous local conventions. I
think one pair came as Han Solo and his sister. So what?”

Well, did I say “female corellian pilots”? No, I said “female Han Solo”. Does Solo even HAVE a sister?? Even if he does, it’s not canon. I’m talking about sticking to a standard here people.

Someone said that they have a friend with an awesome Anakin costume. It’s really detailed, completely screen accurate. This friend is black. I am just about one of the most UNracist people you will ever meet in your life so please take this the way it is intended – if you do not look like the character, DO NOT dress up as them. I don’t know how this could make more sense to people. Find a costume with a helmet. Be a stormtrooper, a Vader, a bounty hunter, or be an officer. There are myriads of costumes to choose from. Why be difficult?

The 501^st is THE BEST costuming club in the world. I don’t want to belong to someone who says they’re the “second best” or “next best”. No, I think we can all agree that if you do something you should do it to the best of your ability. Who doesn’t want to be in the “best” club/organization/school/job/etc. that you can? Name one person.

The way that the 501^st got to be that way is that we have a little something called costuming standards. Deal with it.

Do I care if Anakin is evil and belongs in the 501^st? No, not really. What I do care about is what will happen if the costume is accepted and we’ve got tons of people who look NOTHING like Hayden dressing up and going to events representing the 501^st.

I can take criticism just like the next person. In fact, I have an open-face costume. It’s my Mara Jade costume and I’ve made a lot of modifications to it over the years. Do I feel that it should be allowed at canon events? Absolutely not. That’s why I put together my Boushh costume, so that I would have a costume that was 100% accurate and that I was 100% proud of. I don’t look an awful lot like Shannon McRandle. I’m probably not the farthest thing you could get from her or anything, but I’m not exactly her twin either. Would I wear a Princess Leia costume? Maybe. If I was the right weight and such. I guess I sort of am and that might even be a fun costume to make. Once again, not exactly Carrie Fisher’s twin, but I could pull it off I guess. My friend Jodi has an awesome Leia dress and looks a lot like her.

But the thing is, you’ve got people who look NOTHING like the character making the costume as well. Augh. It’s horribly frustrating. And then when you try to say that they can’t gain membership that way they jump on you and attack you for being “mean”. One guy even said that thanks to reading the legion board his overweight wife didn’t want to join the 501^st anymore. Well, she has to make up her own mind about that. It would depend on the costume too.

If you’ve got enough self confidence and you know you look nothing like the character and you don’t care and want to do it anyway. . . that’s fine. Just don’t bring down the integrity of an awesome group of people who have worked really hard to gain the reputation they have. Go do it on your own time and not affiliate yourself with any group. Or affiliate yourself with one that doesn’t have such high standards.

You know how occasionally we'll be at an event and someone will come up to us and call us losers? Or we'll see a news story about the 501st (or any star wars fans) and they'll call us a bunch of geeks and losers? Well, it's because of the stereotype of costumed fans.
I hate calling myself a trekkie in public because look at the way we were portrayed in the two documentaries. Sorry, but we’re not all cross dressing nerdy loser people who have no lives. It sucks that a sci-fi fan has to be represented this way. And that’s what’s awful about letting people dress up however they want and still affiliate themselves with a group.

As I said, I knew this was going to come out sounding mean. But it’s just my opinion. And for the record, yes I’m completely (well, almost completely) satisfied with my weight/height/looks/etc. I think I’m a pretty average person. (Pretty average, not pretty and average.) If I wasn’t would I dress up in a costume that wasn’t appropriate for me? I’d like to think not. I’d like to think I’d have some self control and exercise some common sense.

This in turn can lead into the “what is with overweight people wearing belly shirts???” discussion, something that could go on equally as long so I won’t even get into it.

Anyway, that appears to be all I have to say on the matter. Just remember this is all a generalized opinion. It's not directed at anyone specifically. I can't even think of anyone I know from the NEG who isn't up to par on the costume standards. But the discussion on the board is just insane and lots of people are afraid to say what I'm sure some of them are thinking, which is basically what I wrote above, for fear of sounding mean. There it is.

This weekend was packed full of Star Warsy goodness. John and I ventured out to Danvers, MA for a 501^st event at the theater out there. We were told it would be about a two hour drive so since the event was Saturday and Sunday we got a hotel for Saturday night. Turned out it was only about an hour drive, but at least we didn’t have to worry about trekking back and forth.

We got there on Saturday around nine a.m. and met up with a couple of the guys who were also there early, Joe and Kirk. We all sat around waiting for the rest of the people to show. We had a changing room that is an employee locker room located inside one of the theaters. So every time we went in or out we had to be really quiet because Monster in Law was always playing. So everyone showed up and those of us who were ready for the 12:30 call lined up by costume and marched out into the foyer area.

We spent the weekend taking pictures and collecting the money for the Jimmy Fund. We worked really hard and managed to raise over $2700 for charity. That’s a really huge amount for about 25 of us to accomplish. It was great to see so many NEG members there at one time.

There was even a guy who built a working R2 unit there. He showed up both days and had the droid chase kids around and pose for pictures and such. It was really cool. John was talking to him about how he built it and whatnot and the guy said he spent about 15,000 dollars on it!! No thank you. But I suppose it’s worth it. The thing is awesome!

We only had a couple of troublemakers show up. They tried to bang a couple of the helmeted guys’ heads together, but fortunately our un-costumed people and the theater staff were right on top of it and kicked them out. I have no idea why people have to be such idiots.

One guy actually told one of our un-helmeted costume guys to “grow up”. Dude, why don’t you? We’re the ones raising money for charity and using our valuable time to do so. All you’re doing is walking around a movie theater. Loser. Aside from that, it all went pretty smoothly.

On Sunday we actually had a jawa. One of the new guys in our group, Brian, brought his costume. He brought an un-costumed friend with him too, Sean, which is always cool because they can look out for us. It’s easier to intimidate stupid people when you’re not wearing a stormtrooper helmet. They know you can actually see them and they usually back down. One stupid girl was going to pull one of the costume hoses or something off of Brian but Sean told her not to touch the people in costume. Yet another idiot to add to the line up.

On Sunday we all went out to dinner together. That was a lot of fun. Brian’s fiancée Stephanie showed up so we all got to meet her. Aaron made a toast to “Brian and the future Mrs. Brian”. What a goof.

Then we all managed to make it to the 8:40 showing of Star Wars. Almost all of us had seen it at least once, but the theater let us see it for free as a thank you for all our hard work. this manager Greg was super helpful in getting an entire row for us so wwe could all sit together.

At first he asked this crotchety old guy to move and he said no. when Greg told him it was for some charity workers he said “absolutely not”. But Greg managed to get some other people to move down a row and gave them some snack vouchers. Then he asked if he could borrow four of us. So a few went with him and we all wondered where they were going. Well, they came back with a TON of free popcorn. We handed it out to a ton of people and thanked the people who moved. Brian made sure to thank them loudly so the old guy could hear. What a jerk. But whatever. It all worked out.

The movie was fun. I’ve decided episode II had a better story line, but that’s okay. Now it’s all done and when it comes out on DVD we can re-live the magic all over again.

John and I didn’t get home until after midnight and I missed work the next day because I had been sick for part of the weekend. That sucked.

But I’m back at work now. Last night John and I watched an episode of Band of Brothers. We had been watching them in order months ago but we got distracted by Star Trek on DVD. : ) So now I can’t wait to watch another one.

I got a call from my friend Crystal last night. I’ve known her since high school. She just moved into a place in Worcester and she wants John and I to come visit on Sunday. That should be interesting for sure.

Back to work. Be sure to check out my photo blog for pictures of the event. Oh, and of my new lovebirds. I decided to name them Goldmoon and Quicksilver.

SPOILERS!

I couldn’t tack on yet another edit to my previous post so here’s a brand new one.

You know, the more I think about it, the more upset I become with ROTS. (Yes, I will still go watch it a million times in theaters. It’s the LAST Star Wars movie. Are you crazy?) You see, it has the distinct privilege of being the only one of the new trilogy to make me sad about the OT. Now THAT’S bad.

My problem actually has to do with something I LIKED in ROTS. I liked (and hated too of course) that moment of pure hatred when Anakin yells to Obi Wan that he hates him. It’s moving and emotion-filled – something that Star Wars sometimes isn’t, at least when it comes to its actors. Thus is the way Lucas makes a film though. We’ve accepted it. Let’s move on.

See, in ROTJ Vader finds redemption through his son Luke. This we know. But I’ve come to the realization after watching the prequels of just how close Anakin and Obi Wan were. All they ever say in ANH is, “Darth Vader was a pupil of mine, until he turned to evil.” The prequels have shed some light on their relationship.

In ANH Vader kills Ben without a second thought. He kills him still hating him. That last wretched scream of “I hate you!” comes echoing back to me as I think of that ANH scene now.

Perhaps Anakin even blames Obi Wan for Padme’s death. After all, the emperor lies and says that Anakin killed her when in fact she lives to give birth to the twins. Perhaps even though Anakin believes he dealt the killing blow, some part of him blames Obi Wan for not being able to save Padme.

Adding all this in kind of takes away that wonderful moment in ROTJ when Vader is redeemed. He becomes Anakin Skywalker again and Luke can see how his father must have been before the dark side.

Even the OT is getting ruined for me now. Dang it!

Well, Revenge of the Sith opened last night. I’m told it made 16.5 million with just its midnight show. I’m not surprised. This was the long-anticipated end to a huge saga. And I have to say that after having last night and some of today to reflect on it, I was a bit disappointed. The die-hard fans are furious right now, I’m sure. “What? But. . .it’s Star Wars. . .How can you not like it??”

I will tell you how.

First of all, I’m not saying I hated it. I enjoyed it enough and I definitely plan to see it again. There was so much to see on screen that you certainly need to view it more than once to take it all in properly. I did not hate every second of it. I left with a mostly satisfied feeling.

But let’s cover what did bother me and then we’ll end on a high note with the things I really enjoyed. WARNING: HUGE SPOILERS AHEAD.

1. Anakin and Padme – the dialogue between them was definitely lacking. I cringed during the whole “I love you because you love me” part. But that can be dismissed because what can you expect from Lucas except for bad direction? He’s nothing if not consistent.

2. Anakin and Padme – Yes. There’s more. How in the great big galaxy did NO ONE realize that Anakin and Padme were married and having a kid?? They LIVED together, people! This is no big shock. I spent half the movie thinking to myself, “But Obi Wan must know. How can no one know?” I was thoroughly confused.

Obi Wan turns to Padme at the end and says something like, “Anakin is the father, isn’t he?” Well, gee, genius, we may just have to elect you scholar of the year! Every time Anakin goes home he always goes to Padme. We never see some “front” apartment where he lives. Did people honestly believe he was living in a box on the street or something? C’mon!

3. Luke and Leia – Okay, Mr. Lucas, we all know that the twins end up being named Luke and Leia. What we didn’t know was how or why. Now we know the how (thanks) but not the why. They never show the couple discussing names for their kid. They never show any discussions at all about family names. What, did Padme just pull the names out of thin air? Give me a break. There should have been some explanation behind that.

4. Empire Strikes Back. “That boy is our last hope.” – Obi Wan
“No, there is another.” – Yoda
Once again, Lucas twists things to suit his needs with no concern for the fans or continuity at all. Obi Wan practically DELIVERED the twins. He KNOWS that Luke is not the last hope. So why does he say it? Hmm, much confused George Lucas is.

5. the most atrocious thing of all. The Jedi were taken out far too easily. Oh. . .my. . .god. . You’re going to tell me that Jedi MASTERS would not have put up any kind of fight? Would not have been able to sense something about to happen to them? They are constantly taking out droids so easily and defeating foes without batting an eye, but three clones with guns turn on them and they fall down helpless? I realize they had to die. I do. I know that’s Lucas actually sticking to some continuity and it’s appreciated. However, they could have gone down with a fight is all I’m saying. It was sad.

6. And what is with the clone troopers expressing not even an ounce of remorse over killing their comrades? I know that they serve the emperor. I know that they are made to follow orders. But one second the leader is handing Obi Wan’s saber back to him and joking around and the next he tries to kill him. I would have likes to have seen a sigh or a moment of hesitation in there somewhere. It’s wholly unbelievable that not one of them would give a care about it.

7. I don’t care how arrogant Anakin is. I don’t care how angry, how spiteful, how hate filled he is. There is no way in hell that he would go from feeling remorse over killing Mace Windu (or helping to) and still questioning the emperor’s motives in one second to kneeling before him and vowing to go kill younglings the next. I know that the emperor is the only one with the key to the dark side and therefore the key to saving Padme. But I just can’t make that link (and I don’t believe Anakin would have either) to where killing children helps save Padme. Nope, sorry, try again. Do not pass go and do not collect two hundred dollars.

8. I would have liked to have seen Yoda go to Dagobah and settle in for his self-induced exile. I also perked up when he mentioned Qui Gon and then they never even showed him. Cop out.

I did promise that there were things I liked about this movie. So please don’t try to force strangle me yet.

1. R2 Rocks. If you’ve seen the movie, that’s enough said about that. He just rocks.

2. Yoda rules. He could kick everyone’s ass and they make that abundantly clear. Go Yoda! Everyone in the theater cheered and clapped when he took out the would be assassins. And then when he ever climbed up on, I believe it was, Chewie’s back. . . Too sweet. It really made you even sadder to see what was happening to all the Jedi. When he took out the royal guards with a flick of the hand – another cheering moment. Wonderful. His duel with the emperor was good as well. Sending him toppling head over ass into his chair was great!

3. even though it was terribly disturbing, I’m glad they covered who exactly killed the younglings and how it was done. I was wondering if they would even touch upon it or leave it alone. Thank goodness that this was a dark movie and showing a bit of it was not beyond Lucas. It’s heart wrenching to see the little one go up to Anakin and say, “There’s too many of them. What will we do?” But I’m glad they stopped where they did.

4. The young one helping Bail Organa was great. You know the troopers were just going to shoot him in the back as he walked back to his ship. That young boy allowed him to escape and therefore be able to take care of Leia. It was a nice sacrifice to add to an already sad moment in the film.

5. The Mustafar scene is nicely done. The effects on Anakin as he burns are very good and it was disturbing to watch. I would have liked it “I have the high ground” had been mentioned in a practice duel between them or something. Something to make it more personal. (I know, this is half a complaint in the “good” section. Deal with it.) But seriously, when did it ever matter to a Jedi if an opponent had the high ground? Puh-lease. But I did almost shed a tear when Obi Wan said that Anakin was like a brother to him. Very sad.

6. Adult film. Finally, a Star Wars for adults! I saw a ton of little children there last night and was not enjoying that. There were kids crying during the nasty scenes and totally disturbing the movie. Do not take little kids to see this. It is intense and it ruins the movie for the rest of us. I'm so glad that it's finally for adults and not kids. That's how it should be. Watch it when you're older.

There was more little stuff that I enjoyed, but I’ll have to see it again to really appreciate it. It was better than 1 and 2 by far, but nothing can stand up to the original trilogy. I was disappointed, but that doesn’t stop me from rejoicing with the rest of fandom in a very bittersweet time – as Star Wars comes to a close. Something we’ve waited a long time for but, now that it’s here, I’m sure will be depressing as hell.

Star Trek closed last week as well. And for the first time in. . .eighteen years there won’t be any kind of Star Trek show on TV this coming fall. It’s a sad time for sci-fi, but a time for rejoicing as well. Wil Wheaton put it best in his blog when he said, “There was an explosion of geeky goodness in the last few years, and now it's time to step back, and . . . well, thin the herd, I guess. We're at the dawn of a new geek era. The sun is only setting on the prologue.”

::edit::
I forgot to cover one other thing that people are complaining about but that I think they are wrong about. It's covered perfectly on this cool blog I stumbled across today:

"At first glance, the final battle seems emotionless, but it's not. Obi-Wan pleads with Anakin at the beginning, middle, and end of this fight. This is his pupil, and he's gone horribly wrong. Obi-Wan cries, "I've failed you, Anakin," and makes a comment that Palpatine is evil. Anakin replies, "From my point of view, it's the Jedi who are evil." I mean, after all, aren't they holding him back, from his point of view? Obi-Wan also makes a heart-wrenching speech once Anakin starts getting cooked by the lava--"You were the chosen one! You were my brother! I loved you!" and Anakin says, "I hate you!" Geez...those are some damn emotional words being spoken during and after the duel."

This is so true. And it’s something I had forgotten about too. This moment was one of the maybe three or so that made me want to cry. That horribly vehement scream of “I hate you” at the end is very profound and sad. You can’t say that battle had no emotion. I certainly wasn’t on the edge of my seat as in the duel from episode one, but it gets you “right here”. ; )
::end edit::

Today is the day folks. Well, for me anyway. Last night was the “day” for some of you I’m sure. But I don’t want to hear about it because I’m an adult and therefore had to go to work this morning and therefore could not see the midnight showing of Star Wars last night.

Lucas finally wraps up his epic in, hopefully, the best way possible in Revenge of the Sith. Return of the Jedi was originally going to be Revenge of the Jedi, but someone pointed out to Lucas that Jedi wouldn’t seek Revenge. And also, since all his films are PG, “Revenge” was a bit too strong.

If I see one child under thirteen in that theater tonight I will be so disappointed. It’s a 7:00 show so hopefully that will weed out some of the kiddies. It’s not that I dislike children. It’s that I dislike badly behaved children. And unfortunately nowadays most people’s kids are poorly behaved.

(I know everyone says it, but I swear to you all right now that my kids will not get away with half the crap you see people letting their kids do. Yelling in theaters, screaming in restaurants, hitting their parents, being mean to animals, etc. Not gonna happen. Sorry. I will NOT be having three kids just like me as my mother wished on me one day when she was particularly angry.)

So, anyway – seven hours, twenty-six minutes and eight seconds until I get to leave work. I’m leaving at 4:30. Sarah is meeting me here. She’s coming straight to EMC from her work in Framingham. She used to work at EMC so that’s not hard to find. Then we are heading over to the theater to stand in line. We bought our tickets already and the show isn’t until 7:00, but the lady at the theater suggested getting there two hours early so five o’clock it is.

I am so excited. I want GL to redeem himself through ROTS. TPM and AOTC were not that great. TPM he was just so excited he could have computer animated characters that he didn’t worry about the ACTING. And then in AOTC it got a bit better, but I don’t believe Hayden Christensen can act so. . .

I heard he actually learned how to act for this one though so there may be hope yet.

I don’t have any work to do right now, which is making my day go by even more slowly. But none of us have anything to do thanks to one particular person in our group so at least I don’t look like the retard.

Seven hours, twenty three minutes, and eleven seconds!!!!!

Go here to help me choose names for my new pair of lovebirds. I'm really undecided. Suggest others in the comments too. Oh, and in the comments, leave your name after them as it doesn't offer a space for email addresses and such. Thanks!

Side note – I am so sped. I completely forgot to mention that when I got to Sarah and Paul’s house on Sunday morning Sarah said to Paul, “Should I give it to her now?” I thought she had gotten a gift for the other Sara (Joe’s ex girlfriend) because she was there to pick up and babysit Sadie for the day. But it was a gift for me!

They gave me a Darth Tater! I hadn’t gotten one yet, but Sarah said as soon as they came out she had ordered a couple online, one for me and one for Sadie. Isn’t that cute? So I have a Darth Tater sitting on my desk at home now and I’m debating bringing him to work. He’s the only one I have so if someone steals him I’d be really upset.

But I just thought that was so cool. I never get random little gifts like that. : )

You know, this week is not going well. I mean, there’s nothing in particular wrong with it. It’s just not. . . .great.

It seems to be going by really slowly and I’m absolutely exhausted as well. Yesterday I was tired because I had spent eight hours going to NY and back. So I wanted to get to bed early last night. Not a chance.

John came to my work yesterday at five with the two new lovebirds. They needed wing clips so that they can have their little birdy attitude adjustments. : ) Anyway, we took his car and went to Feathers and then we got McDonalds on the way home and watched some TV.

John took out the trash and when he did he said this great looking loveseat sitting near the dumpster. The thing was easily worth $700. Someone probably got a new one and hoped someone would need the old one. So we took it and we brought our icky old brown one out and exchanged them. Moving furniture = not fun.

John took the cushions out to the dumpster by himself and when he came up to our door he noticed a guy standing at the other condo door pretending to look at his keys. John could already guess what it was about so he went in our door and instead of going to our condo he went downstairs to the laundry room and fixed his boots for a few minutes and then circled back. The guy was waiting for him! He’s on the condo association and was really mad that we put furniture out near the dumpster. I guess they JUST put a sign out that you can’t do that.

So John explained we were just exchanging them, that someone else had already done it, and the guy grudgingly said that was okay. Honestly, our condo board is like. . .the Nazi party. Seriously. They just wait for you to do the most miniscule thing and then they jump on you for it with lectures and fines and all this crap. Augh.

But hopefully he’ll just let it go and we won’t get fined.

So then at 9:00 p.m. John and I watched the series finale of Everybody Loves Raymond. All the good shows are ending. . . Then we started to get ready for bed. I wanted to do some reading so I tried to remember where I’d left my Dragonlance book. “Oh yea, it’s in my car.” I went to get my keys to go get it and remembered. . .

My car was still at EMC. John and I had to get our shoes on, drive out to my work, pick up my car, and go home. We didn’t get to bed until 10:30 or so.

I am so tired.

But, Star Wars in two days. I’m psyched! It had better be good. And I’d better not be exhausted and fall asleep during it. ; )

I had a really good day yesterday. I picked Sarah and Paul up at their house at 6:30 (we left at about 7:00) and we were on our way to NY. We went there because I found a proven pair of lovebirds online for sale at a wicked good price and since I’ve always wanted to breed lovebirds I jumped on the opportunity.

We had a really good time on the way there. The car ride seemed to fly by. We had McDonald’s for breakfast and played “I packed my trunk to go to grandmother’s house. ..” which Paul had never played. The things we thought up were making us laugh so hard we were crying. And Sarah and I annoyed Paul by singing theme songs to 80’s cartoons. We got to NY around 11:00 and picked up the birds from Will. They are real sweeties. They were pretty quiet on the way home. Paul and Sarah came back to our place afterwards and we waited for John to get home from work and then we took them out to Friendly’s. It was our turn to take them out, but also they had just gone all the way to NY and paid for tolls and stuff so even if it wasn’t our turn, we would have taken them out anyway.

With the lovebirds – I know John isn’t thrilled to have them. The thing that sucks about that is this – I don’t have an engagement ring on my finger. Now, I’m not trying to be a jerk about this so don’t misunderstand me. But I’ve never “just lived” with someone before. True we bought a condo together and ALL my money is going towards that and our bills, but that’s not the epitome of commitment to me you know? Commitment is being married. Or at least being engaged. We are neither. Money is an issue right now and I understand that. I’m not pressuring John to go out and buy a ring this second. It’s just that the lack of “official” commitment is my explanation for it.

What does this have to do with lovebirds? I’ll tell you, dear reader. I didn’t buy these birds to be pets. Well, they are and I really like them already, but they are also a breeding pair. I plan to breed lovebirds as a supplement to my “real” job. This pair was an amazing opportunity because they were two for the price of one and they have produced many mutations. That’s what people want to see. So if I hadn’t bought them, if I had said oh well I can’t, and just given up . . . and then say down the road John and I don’t work out – not that I think we won’t, but just play along – then I would have missed out on a great opportunity for nothing. I’m not going to do that to myself.

So, back to the lovies – they are great. The female is a white face pied and the male is a normal peach face. I have to take them to Feathers today to get their wings trimmed. I think they will calm down a lot and be more receptive towards me after that. Right now the female seems pretty friendly but the male doesn’t like me to go near her. So we’ll see if they calm down a bit after visiting with Laura today.

John is coming up to have lunch with me after he gets out of work. That’ll be a little after 2:00. Then we’re off to Feathers at 5:00. Why can’t it be five now. . .?

You’re probably wondering about the title of this entry. I stole the idea from John’s blog from yesterday. His blog once we got home was nice, but the blog before it – not so nice.

See, sometimes I get annoyed because I gave him the link to my blog long ago and he’ll read something on there he doesn’t like and then he’ll question me about it. Now the way I see it, a blog is personal writing space. It’s your journal. Yes it’s online, but that doesn’t mean people are allowed to question me about every little thing. I’ve impressed that upon John and I think he understands what I mean now. He wrote something in his blog that upset me, but I’m not going to criticize him for it or anything. It’s just that I get so frustrated sometimes because his fuse can be so short and it’s alarming to see the ease with which he talks about “getting rid” of girls in his life.

Here’s what I’m talking about:
“Did I ever explain my Bullshit Meter to you? There's this thing in my head that tells me how much crap I'll take from others. It's actually crazy, cause I can take 10 times as much crap than the average idiot before I tell someone to, "Fuck off and die!" The problem that girls I've dated have with this is that I'll take crap, even big stuff without much of a fuss. Then, one day there will be some small thing. Like a stupid little remark or a small white lie that I know the truth about and, "WAMMO!" I'm through with you!!!! No warning, no salvation, no forgiveness, just pure hatred like you'd see in a Darth Vader killing scene from Star Wars.”

So what is being said here? That my buying the birds is yet another little checkmark on his list? I’ve questioned our relationship before. I’ll freely admit it. And for that he will say to me that he “wants to be sure I’m going to stick around” before he asks me to marry him. That’s all well and good, but don’t then go and say stuff like this. It doesn’t exactly make a girl feel safe.

He goes on to say:
“So, in a way, I gave them loads of chances. I just hope that this never happens with Jessie. Is my meter for crap empty regarding her? Not by a long shot! Do I love her? Yep, madly. If I didn't her and I would not be together.”

That’s nice. I can understand that, you know? At least he understands that I wouldn’t be with him either if I didn’t totally love him. But this bs meter is beyond me. Letting things build up and build up and making someone think what they are doing is okay and the dumping them for, say, forgetting to take out the trash, is so not cool. At least I express myself at the time that things are bothering me. Well, if we’re out with friends or something I have enough tact not to say something in front of them. That’s given John the delightful habit of telling people he’ll “be in trouble after you leave”.

There are some little things that John has said or done to me that bother me and affect me deeply. But I’m not keeping track of them in my head, just waiting for the day when I feel justified enough to snap. I talk to him about them and I get over it.

I don’t want to bitch and moan through this whole thing. I’m really not even that upset. Just confused by stuff. It’ll get to you after a while. Not knowing where you stand. Sometimes I think I’m top on his list and others I feel like we’re just slowly driving one another mad.

Of course, marriage can be like that. Maybe that just means we’re ready. Lol.

Speaking of which, during a game of “truth” in the car yesterday (it’s no fun to play dare in a car. Nothing to do) I got Paul to say he would marry Sarah WITHIN two years! She was so excited. Now we have to hold him to it. Lol

Thanks, guys, for going with me yesterday and making the day so much better!!

I also got to end my night really well last night by falling asleep while John scratched my back. I know I didn’t drive to NY, but all that time in a car is TIRING.

Even though I don't believe in that stuff, it's still kind of cool when the 13th falls on a Friday.

I have about forty minutes before I can leave work and I am going crazy waiting here. It's as if we're caught in some sort of time loop and time has slowed down purely to piss me off.

When I get home John and I have to go to the stupid bank to get my name changed on our account because otherwise they won't let me cash checks. I hate that. I couldn't even change my name on my own even though I had both licenses on me and my divorce records. They need John there since it's a joint account. What am I going to do? Run off to the house we share with money I stole? puh lease.

So on Sunday I'm going on a cool little day trip. I'm very excited. Paul, Sarah and I are going to New York. I made an amazing investment the other day. This kid was selling a proven pair of lovebirds for the price of just one bird. So I snatched them up and hopefully by breeding and selling lovies John and I can pay off some of our bills. I've wanted to do this for years and the opportunity just sort of fell into my lap while I was looking through lovebird pics online.

It's a loooooong drive, but we'll be okay. Paul is going to drive my car. He and Sarah found a sitter for Sadie thank god. Four hours each way with a three year old is not my idea of a good time. I mean, Sadie's great, but. . . I think even Sarah would want to kill her at that point. : )

So that's going to be my weekend. I had been thinking about hanging out with Ray tomorrow, but with the whole NY thing I decided to cancel. I'll see him eventually. It's not like he's going anywhere.

Augh, half hour to go. Get me out of here!

Check out this link.
If the above doesn't work, go here.

To see a wonderful animation that describes what exactly could happen with this go here.

This week's OD theme is What was the worst book you ever read?

That would have to be The Red Badge of Courage. Terrible, no good, very bad book. I had to read it for my College English class in high school and it was torture. Usually I looked forward to our assigned reading, hoping it would make me read a book I hadn't thought to pick up yet. This was just god-awful.

I can't remember enough of the story to describe to you what exactly irked me about this book. Maybe the fact that the story never started. Maybe that it took me forever to read. I actually fell behind in class. If you know me, you know this had to be a really bad book for me to fall behind in reading. It was torturous. It should not have won any awards and should not be inflicted further on our still impressionable youth.

Okay, maybe not. It was actually my own doing. But yea, I suck. I didn't go to the meeting on Sunday. I'm a bad, bad JW. :( But we knew that so now we can move on, right?

I have no explanation except that I didn't feel up to it. I got intimidated at the last second. I was talking to John about it Saturday night and he didn't want me going alone - something about guys hitting on me. He doesn't understand that once you tell a "good" JW you're df'd they back off like you have the plague. He also doesn't seem to get that it takes two to tango. If someone's flirting with me or hitting on me does that mean I have to do so back? No. And I wouldn't. Case closed.

I didn't go.

I did go to STOMP with John on Saturday. It was at the Providence Performing Arts Center, which is quite simply, breathtaking. Stomp was wonderful. Almost as good as I remembered. The slight lacking could have been because when I saw it, the program was new (about ten years ago) and it was the New York cast. You can't beat NY for culture like that. But all in all, a great performance. I really loved it.

The only thing that was annoying was there were several children there who were too young. They cried at times when it was supposed to be quiet. Also (and this is going to sound mean no matter how I put it so just bear with me) there were some handicapped people who were brought there with some chaperones. That's all well and good except that on top of infants screaming when you're trying to listen to the beat coming from on stage, you had to deal with this one guy who was up in front yelling everytime it was quiet. It really sucked because you know if it was a "normal" person doing that the usher would have kicked them out. I mean, if he's yelling what can he possibly be getting out of it? I've known people with downs who were a lot more functional than that and bringing them to Stomp would have made sense, but not this person. It was a tad on the annoying side.

Next up I want to see RENT again. I loved it the first time. I also saw that at PPAC. Great show. Really moving story.

So that was my weekend.

I've been sitting at work today with jobs to do off and on. Not much going on. My boss had to have an emergency appendectomy done over the weekend so we're kind of on our own around here.

I was so proud of myself. At lunch I wrote a couple paragraphs in a short story I'm working on. That may not seem like much, but I really want this story to be told properly (as I would with any of my work) so I've been taking my time with it. When I'm done I'll post it on my website. Back to chatting with Chante.

PART ONE: You and Your Life
1. Were any other names considered for you at birth? Molly
2. What was the day, date and time for your birth? Tuesday, 7/13/82, 3:40 something a.m.
3. So how old will you be this year? 23
4. Where do you dwell? Franklin, MA
5. What is your astrological sign? cancer
6. Do you check your horoscopes regularly, and do you believe in them? Never and no
7. What are your typical [starsign] qualities? Well, if you answered no to the questions above you wouldn’t have an answer for this one, would you?
8. Who are you compatible with? No idea. Anyone who I’m attracted to and have stuff in common with? Oh yea, and who isn’t a jerk.
9. What kind of house do you live in? I live in a condo
10. What’s the name of your street/close/road? King
11. Who do you live with? John and my pets
12. What rooms are in your house? 2 bedrooms, tiny bathroom, galley kitchen, and a living room/dining room
13. Where is your room? In my condo
14. How is it decorated? Purple paint and lots of scifi stuff and posters
15. Did you decorate it yourself? Indeed.
16. What kind of furniture do you have? King size water bed frame with mattress in it, two bureaus, tv, papasan chair, bookshelf, and a walk in closet.
17. Did you set out to decorate it with a certain look? I just didn’t want it to look cluttered like our basement room. That was really bad.
18. Do you have posters on the walls? Yep, dragonlance drawings and prints.
19. What is your calendar this year [if you have one?] Audrey Hepburn at work and a Quaker (bird) calendar at home.
20. Are your parents still together? yep
21. So what kind of person are you, in the good ways? Nice, creative, quiet
22. And in the bad ways? Stubborn, lazy (at times), indecisive
23. In what ways do you annoy people? I’m just stubborn so if I think I’m right you’re probably not going to convince me otherwise. It’s easier for people who don’t know me well to talk to me when I’m like that then for people who are close to me.
24. What are your strengths? I’m very self-reliant
25. What are your weaknesses? Depression, anxiety
26. Are you easily depressed? Well, no. I mean, I deal with depression, but I’m not “easily” depressed. It’s just something that occurs from time to time since it’s an actual illness.
27. What makes you depressed? Sadness in my life is mostly caused by the people I’ve left behind or the people who have left me behind.
28. Are you easily paranoid? No. john is slowly making me that way though. He’s so paranoid all the time that it’s hard not to be.
29. What is your current mood? I’m feeling really creative. I want to go home and write.
30. Who are your close friends? Moir, Foote, Sarah, Paul. . .I would say Ray I guess too. He’s a quandary.
31. Who are your favourite friends to talk with when you are upset? Sarah or Paul
32. Who do you share most in common with? Sarah. She’s my friendship soulmate.
33. Do you have a journal/diary? Yep. On blogger. Here. Duh.

PART TWO: Appearances
1. Insert a picture of yourself here: http://501neg.com/roster/?mode=profile&id=2727&cat=bh
2. How important is the way you look to you? Anyone who says it’s not important at all is so lying. But to me, it’s important enough that I want to look presentable when I leave the house. That’s about it.
3. How self-conscious are you when it comes to your appearance? Not too much. I hate to be in a bathing suit at times, but when I’m just in normal clothes or whatever it’s no big deal.
4. How tall/short are you? Tall, 5’ 7”
5. What colour hair do you have? Black and brown right now. Naturally – brown.
6. Is it dyed? Oh yea. Lots and lots.
7. If so, what is your natural hair colour? See above
8. How long is it? Past my shoulders somewhere
9. Are you growing it? Yes. I hated that my hair was so short for my first wedding so if/when I got married again I’d want it grown out.
10. What would you call your body shape? Curvy? . . .
11. Are you happy with it? For the most part
12. What colour eyes do you have? Blue/grey
13. How do you dress, and why? Casual punk most of the time. At work I’m office casual with a hint of individuality. I dress this way because it’s the way I like to dress. Plus it’s sometimes a bit on the odd side and I’ll admit I like to make my co-workers nervous. Two of them spotted my tattoo the other day. Great fun.
14. How long ago did you start dressing this way? High school. Before that I was a hippie.
15. Do your friends dress similarly to you? Not really. Sarah has her own unique style as well.
16. How is the way you dress reflective of your personality? It just shows off my creative flare I guess. ::edit:: re-reading this I remembered that at a party about five years back I was dressed kind of "creatively" and this guy, a friend of a friend type of person, asked me if I was an artist. He said I'd have to be since I was dressed like that. I don't think it was a line either because (and anyone who's ever been a JW would understand this) he was one of those Jehovah's Witnesses who didn't pay attention to anyone else who wasn't a pioneer (getting 70 hours a month out in door to door ministry) so he would not have bothered trying to pick me up for sure. Anyway, short story long, I wasn't dressed that weirdly - black/blue skirt, knee high combat boots, blue/black tank top, pink coat, and my hair was kind of weird I guess. So, that's my little clothing story.
17. What parts of your appearance do people compliment? ::sigh:: chest. But if they’re being nice and sweet . . .I’ve been told I have gorgeous eyes. That’s nice.
18. What parts of your appearance do people insult? Nothing really. I get picked on good-naturedly about my freckles.

PART THREE: Hobbies
1. What do you do for a living? Customer service
2. Are you happy with what you do? For the most part-yes. But there’s something lacking.
3. What are your hobbies: reading, writing, star wars
4. Name everything you love: how is that possible? I’ll give you a shortened list. John, Sarah and all my friends and family, my pets, scifi, entertainment (i.e. tv, movies, etc.), most music, writing, dreaming
5. Name everything you hate: Sherri. Yea, that’s about it. And even that is mostly fading.
6. What kind of people do you love: loyal, trustworthy, funny, intelligent
7. What kind of people do you hate: hypocrites, mean people, the blissfully ignorant/close-minded

PART FOUR: Music
1. I know it’s a chore, but list your favourite bands and musicians here: green day, stiff little fingers, mary chapin carpenter, greg trooper, the beatles, def leppard, too many to name
2. What are your favourite genres: everything
3. Any particular favourite songs? Oh sure. A lot of them. Here’s what’s on my mp3 player now : your song, diamonds, elephant love song medley from Moulin rouge; more than words by extreme; tim finnegans wake; when irish eyes are smiling; pour some sugar on me; if you’re irish; joan jett; sum 41; rent; les mis; toad the wet sprocket. . .etc. etc.
4. Albums? Just take some from the list above.
5. Insert some of your favourite lyrics? “My gift is my song, and this one’s for you” “And if you’re black or Irish you just can’t trust the law.”
6. What band do you listen to when you want to feel happy? Green day
7. The most depressive music? Goth stuff
8. Do you have any favourite music videos? Not really. I never watch videos.
9. Are you in a band? No. that would be so much fun. I’m not talented enough.
10. If so, what’s it called? ---
11. If you’re not in a band – do you want to be? I’d love to sing.
12. If the answers yes, what would you call it? I think my friend Brynn had one of the best ideas for a band name – Don’t wanna die a virgin
13. What would your part be in the band? Ooh, can I play bass?
14. What kind of music would you play? Alternative/punk
15. Who would be in your band? Um. . .talented people
16. What would your music videos be like? Very creative, make you think type of stuff.
17. What kind of songs would you write? The pretty kind.
18. Can you write songs/music? Well I used to write poetry. I guess that’s similar
19. What would the vocals be like/what kind of singers: I haven’t a clue. Haunting?
20. What instruments would the music have? The usual with a really cool flute or something thrown in that only perceptive people would pick up on.

PART FIVE: Love and Relationships, etc.
1. Seeing anybody right now? yep
2. The obvious question: Straight/bi/gay: Straight.
3. Do you have crushes: not really, no
4. If so, do you like them for their personality, or for their appearance? I think with crushes it’s always appearance. You don’t know enough about them for personality to come into play.
5. Celebrity crushes: just a healthy admiration.
6. Ever been in love? Yes.
7. Are you now? Yes
8. How confident are you when it comes to relationships? Usually quite confident. If it’s going well and seems right then I’m all for it. I’ll throw my heart and soul in.
9. Do you know of anybody who likes you? No, but I bet John would argue that. ::this is where the paranoia comes into play::
10. What would be most important to you in a relationship? understanding
11. Your ideal guy/girl, personality: confident, sweet, intelligent, funny at the right times, caring, and understanding of my faults.
12. Your ideal guy/girl, appearance: taller than me, thinnish, dark hair, gorgeous eyes
13. What’s more important to you, appearance or personality? Personality.
14. What are your turn ons: just someone who really gets me is an amazing and too-rare experience.
15. Turn offs: someone who lies
16. Fetishes: none
17. Fantasies: I’m not really into that.
18. How dirty-minded are you? Probably about as much as the next girl.
19. What would you rule out in relationships: what kind of question is that?
20. What kind of things would you like to share in common? Things that are important to me. For instance, John loves Star Wars. Could I deal if he didn’t? yea, but it wouldn’t be nearly as fun.
21. Does any particular dress sense turn you on? Not really, no. the clean-cut look is best.
22. Do you remember your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Of course.
23. The most romantic songs you can think of? God must have spent a little more time on you - nysync
24. The sexiest bands? I don’t pay enough attention to know what band people look like. Oh, I know. Dave whatever his name is who’s married to Carmen Electra. He’s cute.
25. The sexiest singing voices? dunno

PART SIX: Movies, TV, etc.
1. What are your favourite movies? Swingers, star wars, star trek, 13 going on 30, the negotiator, reservoir dogs
2. What kind of movies do you love to watch, and why? I love drama because everyone needs a good cry every once in a while.
3. What kind of movies DON’T you watch, and why? Horror because I’m a wuss.
4. Favourite actors: Patrick stewart, bruce campbell
5. Favourite actresses: Angelina jolie, Jennifer garner, Claire danes
6. Most romantic movie you’ve seen and one of your favourites: how to lose a guy in ten days
7. The most sad movie you’ve seen and one of your favourites: The Notebook
8. If you could have starred in any of your favourite movies, which one would it be, why, and what character would you have played? The Notebook, Allie, because I can relate.
9. If you could take any song and place it in a movie, what song and movie would it be? I would have to think about this. I shall make a separate post about it.
10. TV Shows you watch: star trek: tng, ER, Gilmore girls,
11. Cartoons you watch: none

PART SEVEN: The End
1. So, how was it? Not as good as I expected
2. Did you enjoy it? Yea, it filled the time
3. What’s the time now? 4:21 p.m.
4. What was your favourite section? hobbies
5. Any last words? I want to go home!!!

oh yea, baby. I feel so cool.

I'm just really getting back into these lately with not that much to do at work. Fill it out and paste a link in my comments section. Or email it to me: MaraJade.27@gmail.com

1. Name: Jessie Marie Doherty Ivanowski
2. Birthday: 7/13/82
3. Birth State: massachusetts
4. Time of Birth: 3:40 something a.m.
5. Height: 5’ 7”
6. Eye Color: blue/grey
7. Tan/pale/black/mixed: pale
8. Race: white
9. Pets: Amelie (cat), Pixel (papillon/min. poodle), Gunther (quaker parakeet), Button (lovebird)
10. How many rooms in your house: five
11. Kind of car: Hyundai santa fe
12. Kind your parents have: mom-rav4, dad-ford truck
13. Class of: 2000. oh yea!!
14. Sports: ice hockey
15. Sports played: none. I used to dance, but that about covers my sport abilities.
16. Grade: n/a. I’m done with school.
17. Age: 22
18. Sex: female
19. 3 words to describe you: creative, geek, quiet
20. siblings/age: none
21. live with: my boyfriend John and our zoo
22. piercings: six in each ear. I want to get my bellybutton done but it takes forever to heal.
23. tattoos: purple triangle on shoulder, celtic/star wars on lower back. I want a claddagh around my arm and a Star Trek communicator on my other shoulder. For starters.
24. color of room: light purple
25. color of carpet: blue
26. room size: large?
27. sheet colors: purple!
28. how many pillows: one big one
29. shoe size: 10-girls, 8-guys
30. hair length: past my shoulders. I’m so proud. It hasn’t been this long since I was ten.
31. shirt size: medium
32. what’s in your room: TOO many collectibles, a tv, two bureaus, king size bed, walk-in closet, posters
33. kind of computer: Toshiba laptop
34. color computer: black
35. color car: tan
36. posters in room: john’s dragonlance posters, my lady of shallot print, the crow picture, and some photo I pictures
37. hair color: black right now. Usually reddish/brown
38. kind of hair: straight.

Favorites:

39. song: Fett’s Vette. : )
40. cd: Flag and Emblems – Stiff Little Fingers
41. scent: CKB
42. emotion: feeling inspired
43. texture: soft, like Amelie
44. thing to do: read or write in my journal. Or just kick back and watch a movie.
45. place: Maine at Moody Beach
46. cartoon: ummm. . .clone wars?
47. book: While I was Gone by Sue Miller
48. subject: English
49. shampoo: herbal essences
50. sport: ice hockey
51. color: purple
52. food: Chinese food
53. drink: juice
54. alcohol: eh. If I’m out I’ll have some kind of fruity girly drink. I don’t’ really drink.
55. number: 27
56. board game: trivial pursuit (especially the star wars edition)
57. store: wal mart. Hey, they’ve got everything.
58. fast food: wendys
59. restaurant: olive garden
60. breakfast place: bickfords
61. sound: Gunther talking up a storm
62. car: I’d like a corvette or an audi tt one of these days
63. show: does Star Trek: TNG count? No? Okay. . .Gilmore Girls I guess
64. animal: I really like tigers. They’re cool.
65. snack: twix
66. thing to do with friends: be able to have a personal one on one conversation with them, which happens so rarely.
67. thing to do with crush/bf/gf: snuggle up and watch movies
68. brand of clothes: I don’t really care as long as it’s affordable. Hot Topic?
69. brand of shoes: chucks
70. sport to watch: football
71. gum: trident
72. candy: kit kats or twix
73. socks: white ones
74. flavor of skittles: the red ones. . .
75. flavor of starburst: pink
76. flavor of koolaid: punch
77. flavor of jolly rancher: I hate those
78. person: John
79. actor: Patrick Stewart
80. actress: Angelina Jolie
81. female singer: Mary Chapin Carpenter
82. male singer: Greg Trooper
83. band: Green Day

Do you believe in:

84. aliens: I haven’t decided yet
85. ghosts: yes, but not friendly ones.
86. god: most definitely
87. satan: yep
88. heaven: kind of. I don’t think that just anyone goes there though.
89. hell: no
90. the afterlife: the resurrection, yes.
91. love at first site: no. but you can definitely be attracted right off the bat and then get to know the person more after. Maybe love at first sight after an entire day together. Lol.
92. santa: isn’t he the guy who killed the easter bunny?
93. karma: not officially

Which one?

94. sneakers/sandals: sneakers
95. dvd/vhs: dvd
96. pesi/coke: neither
97. straight/gay: straight
98. summer/winter: summer
99. spring?fall: fall
100. siblings/only child: only child
101. movies?tv: movies
102. chocolate/vanilla: vanilla
103. juice/pop: juice
104. chill/party: I don’t’ really “chill” but I guess I’d have to go with that
105. draw/write: write
106. night/day: day
107. capris/shorts: capris
108. make up/bare face: make up
109. shower/bath: shower
110. food/drink: what?
111. drive/walk: drive
112. nsync/bsb: nsync
113. 98/otown: 98 degrees
114. pink/purple: pink
115. red/blue: red
116. scared/nervous: I’m always nervous. : )
117. mad/sad: I’d rather be mad. It makes you get stuff done.

The Past:

118. best memory: Grease
119. worst memory: feeling so left out of my little group of friends at times
120. do you regret anything you ever did: yes, but I’ve been able to learn from everything.
121. best childhood memory: watching “Sneakers” with my dad
122. what were you scared of as a child: having a seizure
123. what was your favorite cartoon: care bears
124. favorite music when you were younger: probably anything from cartoon shows
125. did you suck your thumb: no
126. do you have any of the same friends from seven or younger: yep. Sarah and Kari
127. what are you doing right now: writing on this, pretending to work, and chatting
128. are you listening to music: no
129. if so what song:
130. what is in your cd player: Stiff Little Fingers
131. who are you talking to: Was talking to Ben but he ditched me. : )
132. are you wearing nail polish: yes, pink.
133. the current time: 11:48 a.m.
134. what are you wearing: green 1^st cav shirt, blue jeans, green chucks, braided hair, and my black wristbands
135. what are you thinking right now: that I wish I was home working on my story idea
136. eating/drinking: I’m drinking water

The Future:

137. what do you want to be: a writer, medical transcriptionist, or just stay in this job at EMC I guess
138. where do you want to live: in a country town like where I grew up
139. who do you want to marry: I’m hoping for John, but who knows. ;)
140. do you want to get married: it would sure make my life easier religion-wise
141. do you want to have kids: yes
142. if so, how many: three
143. names: I’ve always like Vincent and Bridget. John really wants Lillith though. I may give in on that but not on Fistandantilus. Don’t ask.

Last time you:

144. smiled: this morning
145. cried: Wednesday night
146. spoke: this morning when I said goodbye to john at about 5 a.m.
147. ate: at work around nine
148. drank: drinking water right now
149. sang: on the way to work
150. stared at a picture: not for a while
151. read a book: just last night
152. got totally wasted: never
153. yelled: Wednesday night
154. showered: this morning
155. brushed your teeth: this morning

have you ever:

156. smoked: no
157. snorted coke: okay, I just said I’ve never even smoked and you want to know this?? Guess.
158. smoked weed: no
159. been high: no
160. had sex: yes
161. said “I hope you die” to someone: I don’t think so. Entirely possible though. There have been a few of those in my life.
162. tried to kill someone: no
163. tried to kill yourself: no. though my mom was convinced I was going to and took away my knives and herbal pills. Crazy lady. . . : )
164. got in a fist fight: with kimmy sophomore year. We both ended up with fat lips so I can’t say who won.
165. lied to your parents: tons, sadly
166. broken a bone: never
167. lied to your friends: nope
168. bit someone: yep
169. bungee jumped: no
170. skydive: no
171. gotten drunk: no
172. given someone a bruise: yea. I gave Ray a really bad one once. But if he had just admitted that it hurt I would have stopped. Men. . .
173. skinny-dipped: a few times
174. driven illegally: tons thanks to Ericka
175. ditched someone: don’t believe so
176. stole something: nope
177. cut yourself: yes, sort of. Not really I guess. Nevermind. This is an attention-getting survey, eh? I’m not in need of it. Right? (JK)
178. skipped school: yes. Sarah and I organized “senior breakfast” at bickfords when the school gave us an awful one. That was great.
179. hung up on someone: yes, but they truly deserved it.
180. gone commando: no
181. threw up at school: no
182. done someone else’s make up: yes
183. put make up on a guy: I think someone did once and I was just there. I can’t recall.
184. kissed someone of the same sex: yes. For a dare. Not seriously. Wish I could find those pictures though, thank you very little.
185. had a burping contest: ew, no
186. snuck out: too much
187. been to a school dance: a few, yes
188. thought your teacher was hot: once in college. My lit teacher. He was cool.

What comes to mind when you hear:

189. lotion: hands
190. rubber: duck
191. cd: music
192. bed: sleepy
193. paper: cut
194. run: away
195. candle: holder
196. mouse pad: work
197. sweatshirt: comfy
198. door: closed
199. pictures: memories
200. flowers: pots
201. deodorant: clean
202. pencil: sharp
203. sex: sure
204. radio: WAAF

Friends:

205. best girl friends: Sarah, Chante, Foote, Kari
206. best guy friends: John, Moir, Ray, Sidesho

What do you think about:

207. eminem: he’s cool for the most part
208. rap: I’m not a big fan
209. boy bands: they’re geeky, but I don’t mind some of them
210. war: it’s one of the dumbest things ever created
211. classical music: it’s nice when I want to relax
212. homosexuality: I don’t agree with it, but I don’t hate the people – just the act.
213. rape: do you expect someone to say they don’t think it’s such a bad thing? It’s awful of course.
214. abortion: I can’t think of a situation where it would be appropriate. I find it horrible.
215. concerts: they’re so much fun. Live music is great.
216. long-term relationships: they’re a good thing
217. obsessions: Well, I shouldn’t talk. Can we say “Star Wars” anyone?
218. smoking: it’s gross
219. drinking: okay in moderation
220. these surveys: they’re fun when you’re bored
221. Marylyn Manson: He has some interesting views if you watch Bowling for Columbine
222. ghosts: they’re scary
223. the dark: no thanks
224. things that make you happy: my friends, my pets, watching a movie, reading a book, going trooping, going for a walk.
225. best movie ever: Swingers!

More of these can be found here. (Warning: very political website. I don't necessarily agree with everything on there. I just found some of it interesting.)

May 5
Things that happened on this day that you never had to memorize in school:

1780: Units in George Washington's Revolutionary War Camp in New Jersey mutinied, but the rebellion was put down by Pennsylvania troops.

1865: First train robbery occurs.

1920: Nicola Sacco and Bartolomeo Vanzetti, two Italian-American anarchists, are arrested in Boston for murder and payroll robbery. Eventually they are executed for a crime they did not commit. Climaxes postwar anti-radical hysteria of the Wilson-Mitchell period.

1969: Draft resisters burn 231 military induction orders, Los Angeles.

1970: In response to Kent State killings, protests engulf campuses across United States. The first protest occupation of I-5 occurs in Seattle as 1,000 U.W. marchers spontaneously seize the freeway.

1980: Bobby Sands, Irish political prisoner and member of Parliament, dies of hunger strike.

1982: Basque separatist group ETA murders nuclear engineer, Bilbao.

1991: Last U.S. cruise missile leaves Greenham Common Air Base, Britain, site of a decade of strident women's anti-nuclear protests.

May 6
Things that happened on this day that you never had to memorize in school:

1763: Pontiac Rebellion: Indians revolt against British rule and besiege Detroit for five months.

1856: Birth of Sigmund Freud, the most influental psychological theorist of 20th-century. Freud's theories, including the formation of the Oedipus complex, have had an enourmous influence on art, literature, and social thinking.

1862: Death of Henry David Thoreau, war tax resister and author of "On the Duty of Civil Disobedience."

1937: Airship Hindenburg explodes over Lakehurst, New Jersey, killing 35 of the 97 passengers on board.

1944: Mohandas Gandhi released from last imprisonment, India.

1952: Death of Maria Montessori, radical pacifist educator.

Everything is turning upside down in this town
The crime rate's rising up as employment swoops down
Kids can't trust their parents to protect them no more
And if you're black or Irish you just can't trust the law

Winos on the corner with no hope and no plan
Kids on 5 quid drug deals waiting for their man
Estates in states of chaos, hatred scrawled on the walls
The men of law and order writhe about on the floor
No-one dreams of living, those hopes lie on the rocks
Your newly detached heaven is a cardboard box

[Chorus:]
And it seems
And it seems
Someone's used the cosh and the country's on its knees
Someone's used the cosh and the country's on its knees

Old folk freeze to death in flats where damp streams down the walls
Poll tax bailiffs scream unheard in countless council halls
Plans for new development that never cure the mess
Benefits that won't be paid unless you've an address
No-one dreams of living, those hopes lie on the rocks
Your newly detached heaven is a cardboard box

Our Welfare State's collapsing
And no-one seems to care
As long as money's being made
And profits there to share
Buy into a service that
Belonged to you and me
Soon you'll find our country
Is the UK pic

No-one dreams of living, those hopes lie on the rocks
Your newly detached heaven is a cardboard box

[Chorus:]
Down on its knees
Down on its knees
Someone's used the Cosh
The country's down on it's knees
Down on it's knees
Down on it's knees ... And it seems ...

[Chorus]

By Stiff Little Fingers
Lyrics

Normally I wouldn't do this, but I finally updated my artwork page on my website and since I haven't done that in about three years I thought it might be a good idea to post it on here.

So go check out my website (named for the nickname I had in high school that I got because it was my dad's in high school and college and some of my teachers went to school with him so they started calling me that ::breathe::) and look on the art page.

I added new pictures to buzznet (my photo blog) too. Have fun.

Well, since I have absolutely nothing to do at work right now I may as well update this, eh? And the sooner I kick that writing picture down the page and then into the archives, the better. I didn't expect it to be such a huge picture. I could resize it, but hey, that would require actual effort on my part.

So, what have I done all day? Well, we are switching over to a new customer support website this week so at any given time the old, the new, or both sites are down being worked on. Since I am the newest member into our PowerLink group I don't know how to do all the functions that the others do so I am stuck sitting at my computer occasionally alphabetizing customer request forms. It has not been a thrilling day work-wise.

John went to game stop and traded in like a million (yes, that is the actual number) playstation games for a store credit of $50 and got the new Star Wars game. I don't know what it's called because the most I get invovled with video games is the Sims for xbox and also Dead or Alive Volleyball. Man, that game is fun! I am totally not a lesbian but it's just a wicked fun game. It's so easy. Probably because it's sole purpose was for geeky lonely guys at home to just stare at the pretty girls in bikinis. But hey, I like it so don't knock it.

When John got home from shopping he saw that the blanket he had covered Pixel's cage with (the dog) was torn open and she had chewed all the wiring out of it (it was an electric blanket. I say "was" because I don't think it will be doing much electrifying any time soon). So that's delightful. A couple days ago she chewed up all the wires that verizon mailed us to set up our internet with. But Paul managed to hook us up anyway. Good guy.

So my therapist told me last night that my face positively lit up when I talked about my writing and that maybe I should think about pursuing it a bit more. I would really love that. I have all these story ideas in my head and some are even on paper in book form and I've just never done anything with it. Maybe it's time to take some initiative you know? My novel needs some more work, some more back story added to it. Filler. But after that, maybe I could ask John to get some publishing info from Margaret for me or something. We'll see.

Getting back to the paragraph just before that, I actually just talked to Paul for quite a while last night on my way home from therapy. It was a really good conversation. We worked some stuff out. I think we were both still holding onto emotions we had from six years ago when Sarah got disfellowshipped and the way both of us reacted. I wanted to talk to Sarah too but by the time I got off the phone with Paul I really needed to spend some time with John.

I'm reading to him every night from Star Wars: Heir to the Empire. It's the first in a trilogy and these books got me re-hooked on SW years ago. So I thought since John shared Dragonlance books with me (thank goodness since it's my second favorite series now. Guess the first) I thought I'd share Star Wars books with him. And I get to go home and do some more reading with him in about 15 minutes. Woo hoo!

So basically all I did today was some alphabetical ordering and I also chatted with one of John's friends, Chris, on IM for a bit. That was a pretty interesting conversation and I really enjoyed it. It's been a while since I've discussed religion with anyone and I kind of miss it. But there's no need for me to because I'm df'd so who would listen to me anyway you know? It's slightly depressing but what can I do?

On Sunday I'm going to the meeting. I don't care what happens. I am going. And I'm going to every possible meeting after that too. I'm sick of being so far away from my faith and I really have no one to blame but myself.

Hm hm, anyway. . .
I added some more pictures to my buzznet photo album (linked on the left hand side) from today and CIII and such so go check them out!

Writing is your salvation. In words you escape from
reality. You have a strong character with an
amazing way to express your feelings BUT only
on papers. People tend to see you as a loner
but in fact you are just a misunderstood
out-going soul.
~~Just me and my words~~


What's your way to escape reality? What's your salvation?
brought to you by Quizilla

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
Jess, Jessie Marie, Ivo

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
GidgetJade, JadeDoor, Gidget0018 (my first when I was first addicted to the internet)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
lips, eyes, and boobs (hey, it has to be said)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my pale skin, unruly hair, and freckles

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
I am polish, irish, and french

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
planes, demons, and not fulfilling my life’s goals in a timely manner

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
a computer, my loved ones, and my cell phone

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
black sweater, striped knee socks, tan skirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
greg trooper, stiff little fingers, third eye blind

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
inisheer, never let you go, the cosh

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
trust, caring, and patience

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I am sexy, I love animals, I wish I could be a pilot

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
arms, weight, eyes

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
trooping, reading, working on my website/writing (they’re tied)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
leave work, go to dragoncon, buy a lineolated parakeet

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
medical transciptionist, administrative, graphic design

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Ireland, florida, and some big convention

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU LIKE:
Vincent, Cali, Tabitha

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
have children, be married, be reinstated

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
I’m a primarily boy-dominated club (the 501^st), I used to love to play with matchbox cars, I don’t think I have a third one.

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
over the past couple years I’ve really gotten into the girly pink clothing, I like cute bathing suits, ummmm, I’m attracted to guys.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
wil wheaton, that guy from Sweet Home Alabama, Patrick Stewart (hey, he’s really good looking for his age). Okay, okay, bruce campbell

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
sarah, john, and chante. Or diane. I think they’re the only ones who read this. If I’m wrong, leave a link. : )

This week's OD theme is - "What is something you've had to learn that you wish you hadn't?"

Sooooo easy - algebra. As Lucy in Seventh Heaven once said (back when the show was good), "It was fine when we were just solving for Y. But now we're solving for X too and it's so confusing. If you don't know that much about something you should just quit!"

Last week's open diary theme was "what are the three happiest moments in your life so far?" I would have done this already but I wanted to take some time to really think about it.
The thing is, my memory is so bad I probably don't even remember some of my happiest moments. I've blocked out half my childhood, for goodness' sake.

But here's what I've come up with (thus far). List is subject to change. . . .without notice.

In chronological order -
1. Grease. Right around the time that they re-released Grease in the theaters our high school drama/chorus decided to put on the play. I tried out for the part of Sandy. I got the part of an extra. I'll readily admit, that hurt. But I tried out on a whim and I was mostly just happy to be a part of it all. It was such a fun production.

We practiced for months and we were all so excited. A lot of my JW friends were in it - Desiree, Jess N., Jess B., Sarah P. (not my best friend Sarah. Another one.), Nathan. I had a huge crush on Nate. My friend Kimmy was in it and our friends Michelle and Tanya. Michelle was Sandy. This alternative kid Joel was Danny. My ex boyfriend Joe was one of the Tbirds plus Nate, Bruce, etc.

We had a great group. We'd all stay late after rehearsal and goof off, "table jumping" (it's as painful as it sounds. Just ask Sarah.), Charlie's Angels (basically we ran around the school pretending to shoot one another), and such.

Opening night went phenomenally well. We each had our own line to sing in "We go Together" and I really belted mine out. I was really shy but I was having such a blast I didn't care. Dez and I made up our own little dance moves since we were two of three "extras". It was great. When it was all over and the last line was sung we all ran backstage. You couldnt' hear anything over the shrieking. Nathan picked me up and swung me around and we were all hugging and laughing. . . It was so much fun and I'd give anything to relive that kind of excitement and sense of acomplishment again.

2. My wedding. Okay, so this did not end well. Well, it ended better than most people's divorces do. But it still ended in divorce. Oops. I got married really young, but at the time it was absolutely what I wanted. My parents wanted me to wait until I graduated but Ray and I were determined and we would have just gone to a JP if my parents didn't want to help us. In the end they realized their only daughter's happiness was important so they "gave in".

It was a really great wedding. Even people who had recently been married said it was one of the best they'd ever been to. We were super organized and the guests didn't have to wait hours to eat because the wedding party was doing pictures, etc etc. It was just a really good day and I really did marry my best friend. Of course, therein lies the problem right? We were the best of friends, but not much else after a while. So now we're still great friends and we're moving on with our lives. But my wedding was a really good day and odd as it sounds it's up there as one of my happiest.

3. Fanzillacon. Okay, everyone keep their comments to themselves. This is not one of my happiest moments just because it's when I got to know John. I had a GREAT weekend during this. It was an event I did with the 501st. They had a fan film festival in Worcester and it went Friday through Sunday. I headed over there right after work Friday and I think I was home for about eight hours the entire weekend. I stayed out until like 3 a.m. and then headed back there early in the morning. Mostly I spent the weekend with John, but he roomed with our friends Sidesho and Aaron so I saw them a lot too. It was a sucky event as events go, poorly organized and such, but it was just so much fun.

I'll never forget that weekend because I just felt so carefree and had such a blast. I was so disappointed when it was all over and I had to go back to reality.

And. . . .THE END.

We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Violet vibe. An amethyst-colored aura is the trademark of compassionate, empathetic people with arms big enough to hug the whole planet. If you had your way, you'd be teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony (and maybe even buying them a Coke) or heading to a third-world country with the Peace Corps. Spiritual and caring, you're a true music lover and probably committed to at least two or three causes. Your heart is so tender that it bleeds when you hear about any pain and suffering. That's why you're always working toward change, whether it's improving your workplace or rallying for global peace. You've got your sights set on lofty goals and, because you're such a dreamer, you might occasionally overlook the details when you're on one of your missions. But you're sophisticated and worldly enough to know how to dig in and make a difference where it counts. Strong-willed and kindhearted, people with a Violet aura are the world's activists.


Very cool. (Even the coke part is so me. I love that commercial!) If you want to take some fun tests check out Emode/Tickle. This one was in body and mind.

Feel free to steal and fill it out yourself then send me the link:

1. Life after death or death after life? Death after life
2. Would you rather have an incurable disease that was not deadly, but painful, or would you rather have a painless disease where you only had so long left to live? I guess the first one. You can always take drugs for pain, but I’d hate for my life to end.
3. If you and the love of your life broke up but agreed to be friends, would you rather be hurt the rest of your life and not talk to him, or would you rather talk to him but your feelings continued to grow for him and there was nothing you could do to get back together? As long as they were a good friend from the start then I’d go with the second one because the friendship is obviously worth it.
4. Family pressure or peer pressure? Peer pressure, because their opinions don't matter to me.
5. Your brother going to war or your brother going to jail for twenty years? Jail.
6. Is life really worth it? Yes, of course.
7. If you could know the exact day you were going to die, would it change the kind of person you'd be? I think so. But I don’t think it would be in a good way. You’d always be thinking about that date.
8. If you could know the exact day you were going to die, would it change the things you would do? Most definitely.
9. Do you realize that everyone is going to die eventually and you shouldn't put it off until tomorrow...there may not be tomorrow? True. But I’m a procrastinator so that’s just how I am.
10. Is life really a precious gift if bad stuff happens to you all the time and never gets better, it only leaves unresolved answers followed by more pain and hurt? Yes, it is precious because God gave you life. It’s what you do with it that makes the difference. If bad things are happening to you all the time then you need to change your life a little.

The next part in this is just questions of approaching certain things.

1. If you and your mother fought for years and you wanted to make up with her, how would you go about doing it? I’d just give in and apologize. That’s how it was when I was little too. I’d get so upset that SHE was upset that I’d apologize even if I was right.
2. Say you were in to some bad stuff like drugs and alcohol, you weren't planning on quitting, but you wanted to confront your parents. How would you go about doing so? That’s hard to fathom since I’m as straightedge as they come. I’d probably write them a long letter so that I could get all my thoughts out without interruption.
3. What do you say to a best friend who just lost their mother to make her feel better when she was like your second mother? Geez, I don’t know. What can you say after something so horrible? Just that you’ll be there for them and that you miss their mom too. Talk about all the funny stories. That’s the best. Cuz the you can cry because of laughter and sadness.
4. How do you take away the pain of losing a loved one? I don’t think it ever goes away completely. It just diminishes over time. I lost my Gramps four years ago and I still miss him every once in a while. But you just learn to have them live on in your life through remembering the happy times.

Have you ever.....
Woke up in a tent and wonder how you got there? No.
Yelled and screamed un-necessary things at other ppl who u do not know for no apparent reason? Yes.
Dialed the wrong number on a phone and be answered by a different language person? nope
Had a dream that felt SO real when u woke up that u actually began mixing the events of that dream in with ure everyday life? Yes. That’s always scary.
Been locked outside all day long and while you were out there sang at the top of ure lungs? I’ve been locked out, but I don’t’ think I sang. I probably just sat there and daydreamed.
Stood in the middle of a road....just for fun? Yes.
Tried to rake the leaves on the forest floor? Yes.
Barfed on a wedding dress? Ew, no.
Cried so hard you almost or did choke? Yes, sadly.
Got angry and almost said a cuss word to your parents or teachers? I’ve sworn at my mom, but she swore back. ;) Never to a teacher.
Ate a piece of disgustingly exotic food and didn't like it, so you then accidentally (or purposely) spit it out in someone's drink or food? Once again – ew. No.
Made a prank call that resulted in u getting in trouble with the police, parents, or the person u called? Never been caught.
Had to get a prescription medicine for a bad case of the hiccups? No.
Had a beautiful painting you had done all yourself and thought it needed one last detailed touch to it, so you tried to add that detailed touch and that resulted in ruining the entire painting? Or drawing? Yes. I hate that!
Had a sleepover or party and videotaped the entire thing because it was so hilarious and fun, but later realized that u had done some pretty inappropriate things with your gal-friends. U said you were gonna give everyone a copy of the tape, but u can't now so u copied over the thing? Hahahahaha. Yes. Not that I was inappropriate. It was just silly. But I haven’t taped over it yet. I just haven’t given it to the other girls cuz I got disfellowshipped and they can’t talk to me so I have a good excuse. Lol.
Dress up as a mouse and say, "Here Kitty Kitty" to your cat? No.
Scream so loud that the neighbours decided to call 911?? No.
Had a bonfire party with ure family and out of town friends. Everything was under control with the fire. BUT, just to be safe, your next door neighbour called the fire department which ended the party by putting out the fire? No. (who is making these up???)
Get the lead role in a play and when the day of the play comes, you mess it up, (forgetting all ure lines, getting a groggy voice, smearing your makeup, losing ure costume, etc....)??? No. I actually got to take OVER one of the leads in a play shortly before production. And the audience said that me and two other people made the entire play worth while.

More Questions...

-How would you die, if u had to die: in my sleep
-Who would be the murderer? Old age
-Best way to be proposed to? In a hugely romantic way in front of people. I don’t know. It has to have some deep meaning to the two of you.
-Worst? Just having someone hand you a ring and say, “here”.
-If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be (drama, action, comedy, family, porn...)? my life is a drama, most definitely.
-if you had to wear your shoes on the wrong feet to some highly populated place, where would u go? Work. No one sees my feet.
-Where is the last place you'd want to be seen in your pjs (what you REALLY sleep in!!!)? I don’t’ really care. My pjs are cute. Sort of. . .
-If you HAD to go to band camp, and be like Michelle (and Jason in American Pie 2) which instrument would you shove where? I’ve never seen the movie so I’m not going to bother.
-If you had to go to court over some criminal thing you did, what did you do? Did you plead guilty or not guilty? Robbery since I’m so short on cash. And if it’s obvious you did it you ALWAYS plead guilty so the judge goes easier on you. Either that or I’d plead insanity. They’d believe it.
-If you had a tattoo on your chest that said, "I Love Jamie", what would your secret lover say about it? Who has secret lovers? That’s weird.
-Your name is mentioned in the paper's front page about A ZILLION TIMES, what did u do this time? Most likely? An event with the 501^st again. (yea, I’m a geek.) But as Aaron and Migz were saying, “New England Garrison – we’re just better!”
-If you were to write a book, what would it be called, be about, and what would your pen name be? Already done it – Seven Circles by Molly Doherty and it’s a semi-autobiographical tale about ten years in the lives of seven friends.
-How would you keep your secret lovers from each other and your spouse, if some were BEST FRIENDS, one's outta town and calls, and the other one lives in Russia, but you have to explain the 4 hour long phone bills overseas? What is with you and the secret lovers? Do you wish you HAD a secret lover???
-Where would you go, if all the fruit in the grocery store started running after you while you were shopping for your old grandma? Into the appliance aisle so that I could blend them up into a yummy drink.
-Would you drink your milk if it was lumpy? if you didn't drink it, what WOULD you do with it, if you couldn't throw it out b/c the trash is full and can't be taken out b/c the evil garbage men are out to get you? I wouldn’t drink it. I’d put it down the garbage disposal. Ha!
-What would you do, if the television at a cheap hotel in Washington, D.C., started leaking brown liquidy stuff all over your ONLY clothes in the shelves below the TV? Oh, by the way, don't try to call the front desk, the guy there already thinks you, and your buddies whom you are traveling with are a slow bunch of kids, up to no good! so what WOULD YOU DO? You are a weirdo.