Jade's Babblings

Update from the road

2006-10-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

I don't use blogger anymore. I love the interface here and I like it better than livejournal but there is just no sense of community for me here anymore. I still read a few people's blogs but that's it really and I never hear from anyone on here so... I switched to LJ. If you want to know any of the happenings of my life, you can catch up there.

I'm driving cross country currently with my husband, Seth. We started at my home in Mass and are in cali now. We're going to be in Washington State by Sunday. That's where Seth's job is. For any of those of you who have my cell phone number, it's shut off right now. That's what happens when you get fired for no reason from your job, denied unemployment, and you can't pay your bills. But it'll be back on again soon. Even though i'm going to miss my family and the few good friends I had there, I am so glad to be out of that god-forsaken state. I can't wait to start fresh in Seattle. Eventually we'll be moving to Vegas so Seth can be a cop out there. :)

Well, I may be back here when i get sick of LJ. we'll see. Take care everyone.

My uncle was a really cool guy

2006-07-14T09:20:00.000-04:00

Okay, my mom's uncle, but still...

WORCESTER— William F. Donahue, 91, of Worcester, died Wednesday, July 12, 2006 in the UMass-Memorial Medical Center surrounded by his family. His wife of 36 years, Frances E. (Lavigne) Donahue, died in 1990.

He leaves three sons, Michael J. and his wife Linda N. Donahue of Worcester; William F. Donahue Jr. and his wife Kathleen of Chelmsford and Richard J. and his wife Sheila Donahue of Groton; four grandchildren, Patrick, Brian and Annie Donahue of Chelmsford, and Connor Donahue of Groton; and many nephews and nieces. His brother, John J. Donahue, and his sister, Dorothy M. Savage, predeceased him.

Bill was born in Worcester, son of Michael W. and Marie A. (Lemay) Donahue and lived in Worcester all his life. He graduated in 1933 from Commerce High School where he was President of the Blackfriars Dramatic Society.

He was a U.S. Army Air Force veteran of World War II and served in North Africa and throughout Italy. He was a sales representative for a division of the Procter & Gamble Co. for 33 years, retiring in 1979. He was responsible for some of its largest accounts in Massachusetts including Spag’s in Shrewsbury. Previously, he worked for the Worcester Electric Light Co. and the Worcester Powers Coke Co.

He was a member of Blessed Sacrament Church for 91 years. Among his many volunteer efforts at Blessed Sacrament, he served several terms on the Parish Council and assisted priests at parish funerals for many years including this year. He enjoyed golf and was a member for more than 50 years of Green Hill Country Club, where he registered a hole-in-one. He was a member of the Jewish Community Center for more than 20 years, where he swam regularly and developed many close friendships.

Bill was a devoted father and grandfather and was especially supportive of his sons in youth hockey, baseball and golf programs. As a true people person and family man, he touched the hearts of many people young and old and was loved by many.

Calling hours at the Athy Memorial Home, 111 Lancaster St., Worcester, are Friday, July 14 from 5 to 8 p.m. The funeral will be Saturday, July 15 from the funeral home with a Mass at 11 a.m. in Blessed Sacrament Church, Worcester. Burial will be in St. John's Cemetery. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the American Cancer Society, 30 Speen St., Framingham 01701 or the Alzheimer’s Association, 311 Arsenal St., Watertown 02472.

Frustrated

2006-07-12T16:38:00.000-04:00

I'm so annoyed right now. I was chatting on gmail and then I accidentally pressed one of my topbar favorites buttons and when I went to log back in to gmail it won't let me. I rebooted and everything. It just says it's loading and then freezes up. Grrr.

I am in a serious lack of sleep mode. I'm falling asleep just sitting here. I cancelled therapy for tonight because I don't have enough money so I'm going to go home and crash. My co workers were like, "Just don't go off your meds cuz then we'll have to go on them to deal with you." Haha. too bad I went off my meds before we left for Cali. I know, I know. Terribly irresponsible. I'm starting them up again on Saturday. It's just that they really knock me for a loop and I don't want to feel sick at work. I don't particularly want to feel sick on Saturday either. I've got plans for a serious day of relaxing with a friend of mine.

I was going to go to the 501st cook out at my friend's house but I guess that would be a bit awkward with John there and all and I dont' want to deal with the drama so whatever. I'll just go to the other smaller one later on. Either way, it'll be a good time.

We're supposed to do some duck tour through Boston in our star wars armor. I'm going as Boushh. Seth will be flying in that day so if he gets in on time we will be able to go to the event together which will be cool.

I keep thinking of when I picked him up at the aiport a couple weeks ago and I had my new favorite sweatshirt on and I lost it at Logan Aiport. Grr. and now it's out of stock from Hot Topic. I got that thing for 10 bucks. It rocked. :( So that's frustrating too. The little things annoy me when I'm low on sleep. I'm just gonna go home, clean up a bit, and totally crash for the night. Good bye everyone.

Cross Country

2006-07-11T11:10:00.000-04:00

I've wanted to take this trip since my parents talked about their cross country honeymoon back in the 70's.

Liam clued me into the fact that i90 goes from Seattle to Boston. How cool is that? I haven't talked to Seth about it yet but it seems like a pretty easy route. And the way we'd be driving it will take us through the following states:
Washington (duh)
A tiny bit of Idaho
Lots of Montana
Some of Wyoming
South Dakota
Minnesota
Wisconsin
Tiny of of Illinois, Indiana and possible Michigan
Onto Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York
And then arrive in Massachusetts

So.... give me some ideas. What's some fun stuff to do in any of those states? I've found little things that are obvious like zoos and stuff, but I want to find the random things. World's biggest ball of string and stuff like that. I need ideas. We'll have five days to make the trip. Mapquest says it'll take us 44 hours driving straight through so that gives us a few stops to take in the sights. It's 3044.73 miles. That's insane. Glad it's not my car...

Here are some activities I've found so far. They mostly involve parks.
Close Encounters is a cool movie. My parents stopped here. There's lots of silent video of my mom waving.
Idaho falls zoo
wolves are cool
duh
they're bad lands
montana's kind of boring, huh?

The only other resources I'm going off of are routes besides i90, and these two - 1 and 2.

I'm obviously in need of suggestions. Anybody gone cross country before? Have any interesting sites I should check out?

I blame.... how about you over there in the back?

2006-07-10T12:47:00.000-04:00

At my uncle's calling hours over the winter a cousin of my mom's found out I worked at... the company I work at (lol) and actually said to me, "so what are you going to do to fix my stock prices?" because the company stock used to do really well and now....well, doesn't. I didn't even really know what to say to that. I know he was kidding, but....

Today I went through a toll booth on the good old masspike and the guy I handed my money to saw my work badge that I had on. "Oh, [insert company name here] huh? Man, their stock just keeps falling huh? I lost a lot of money on that. Ever since that [insert guy who helped start the company here] guy left seems like he took all the money with him."
This is the point where I start to drive away while saying "I'm sorry..." out the window. People are weird.

I had a lovely weekend. My friend Liam (he doesn't have his own myspace, but this is just as good cuz the music is nifty) met me in Boston on Saturday and we went to the aquarium. That place is much smaller than it was when I was little...
He had a new camera so there are a few really dorky pictures of me up if you want to see here, plus some aquarium pics as well of course. Then we decided to just walk around Boston. We had dinner here, but we did not eat with the creepy people in the picture. And after that we trekked back to my house (I had missed the commuter rail out by then) to watch Swingers (because everyone has to see Swingers at least once).

I felt kind of bad that I missed Seth's calls for most of the weekend, but I was super busy. I ended up talking to him around 11:30 and then fell asleep on the phone and woke up to that horrible dial tone beeping noise. Ick. He'll be out here in about 11 days though so that's pretty awesome.

I'm so tired this morning. Fell asleep on the pike again...
I'm skipping karate tonight because I'm sick (not from being tired either) and I'm just going to relax on the couch for a bit. Maybe go do laundry at my parents' house. I have a ton of it. I let it go for too long.

Oh, I saw "Pirates2" on Friday with Joel. That movie kicked ass. Finally, some good films in theaters again. Good.

I just put some music on and suddenly I'm in a pretty good mood. Beats listening to the [c]rap that the guy in the cubicle next to me is listening to. Time to go work on this case. Ooh, and maybe treat myself to a yummy twix bar from the vending machine. It's the little things... ;)

The Inscription

2006-07-06T19:40:00.000-04:00

My mom wrote this amazing story. At least now I know where I get my love of writing from. This tale never fails to make me teary. I remember this cup from when I was little. Let me know if you like it. Enjoy.

The inscription is barely visible, worn from years of travel, use and neglect – 1958, Kay Doherty, Frontier Swimmer. As I gaze at the metal cup cradled in my hands, I recall the day my grandfather and I scratched those words onto its bottom.

I was eight years old, and it was a typical day at the lake. The sounds and smells of the country surrounded me. The birds chirped and the cicada, counting the degrees through its resonating body, warned of an approaching heat wave. The waters of Lake Lashaway imparted coolness into the air, and a sweet scent drifted up to us from its shore. The few neighbor’s cars that traveled the dirt road rhythmically counted the stones imbedded in its surface. “Darning needles” mapped out invisible stitches, flowers swayed in the gentle breezes, and summer time stretched out endlessly and effortlessly before me.

My grandfather beckoned me to follow him into the garage. I willingly accompanied him into the cool, dark interior of the stone structure. We passed under the huge cement beam that bore my sister’s and my names, the surviving progeny of a song whose life was cut short by polio just months prior to my birth. The gaudy yellow letters matched the paint on the sculpture of a woman’s bust implanted among the stones. She paid no attention to her manner of dress as her eyes searched the sky for some meaning. The oil-soaked gravel shifted beneath our feet as we slid through the opening the heavy red doors afforded us. As my eyes grew accustomed to the quick change from the bright sunlight, Grampa headed to the worn bureau in which he stored some of his hand tools. He pulled open a drawer, rummaged through its contents, and finally retrieved the object for which he searched, a heavy metal stylus.

Grampa handed me the stainless steel tumbler he had procured, and told me that we were going to write something on the bottom. He smiled as he revealed the message the cup was to bear. I obediently etched each letter upon command, and he seemed pleased when we completed the task. I think now of the humorous statement the cup bore. I was far from the “frontier swimmer” it proclaimed! “Expert dog paddler” would have been far closer to the truth, but seen through a grandparent’s loving eyes, we are much more than the sum of our parts.

The cup was used that summer to hold my glass of milk, and its misty exterior provided the perfect writing surface at mealtimes. It accompanied me home to the city at the end of the summer, and though my grandfather had made a special gift of it to me, it became the drinking glass stationed at the kitchen sink for all to use. As my mother had remarried, there were five other children to share the cup – a biological sibling, two stepsiblings, two half-siblings, and a wonderful stepfather who was the only Dad I knew. The family shared its germs indiscriminately, just as we shared everything else.

I cannot possibly recount the cup’s itinerary as it traveled through life with me. It eventually took up residence with all the household goods, just one of many items in the cabinets. At times it would reappear after a forgotten period, emerging from the recesses of a cupboard. I would check its bottom to see if my history was still preserved, and satisfied it was, I would soon forget about the cup. Like an old friend whose love is taken for granted, I paid no special attention to it.

But then my mother died, and eventually the house and its comforting, familiar objects were sorted, sold, packed and moved. I am sure my stainless steel trophy followed me in a box somewhere as my father remarried and we accompanied him to a new life.

When I rented a cheap apartment with my college roommates, the cup came with me, and I was reassured of my grandfather’s love. When I married, the cup resided in the narrow paneled bathroom of our first apartment, nestled in the toothbrush holder. The circular opening left a ring around the cup, which it bears to this day. Since then, the cup’s passport has been stamped with residencies in a house we rented and one we owned. And now it has come full circle.

When my grandfather died, my husband and I fulfilled one of his few wishes. He wanted one of his grandchildren to live here in the brick house he so loved. And so we do. . .We have renovated the house over a period of many years. We added a second story and “gutted” the downstairs to make way for updated plumbing, wiring, and insulation. On rainy days, though, I can still smell the scent of my grandfather’s cigarette smoke wafting up from the cement porch at our back door. Our daughter grew up here, having first had the opportunity to meet her great-grandfather. Her first bedroom had been his.

The cup reigns over the downstairs bath now, residing in a place of honor in the antique toothbrush holder. It sits about thirty feet from where it was inscribed with those words, Kay Doherty, Frontier Swimmer, over forty-seven years ago. Though the words are far less clear now, they still evoke a memory of a time so long ago. I sometimes consider rewriting that inscription, but I don’t think I will. Each use of the cup causes the letters to fade, to release their meaning one molecule at a time. I suppose that is the way our lives are lived and used, giving pieces of ourselves to others. It is impossible to exactly retrace a moment in time, and so I will not attempt it.

It is said that people really only live in another’s memory. If that is true, then the cup is just the vessel struggling to contain those images of time and place. My stainless steel memory holds many pictures of family members who are long gone. I look out at the yard to see in my mind’s eye the trees long fallen that held the hammocks in which I napped as my grandfather sang, “Tora Lora Lora.” I see the sandbox he made for us. I have the photograph of my mother, my sister, a friend and me taken by a roaming photographer for the newspaper. We smile our summer smiles, and glance shyly at the camera. “Small Fry Can Eat Anything,” the caption reads. We are frozen in time as peaches fill our faces and the juice runs on our hands.

I try to keep the flowers alive in my garden that my grandmother first grew – species of a time past: soapwort, columbine, day lilies, and spiderwort. I still see her bent over in the garden as my brother and I take aim with our slingshots. She laughed. My father didn’t, and our trusty weapons were confiscated.

I can picture the jostling piggyback rides through the woods on my grandfather’s back as he chants, “I can’t find my house, I can’t find my house.” I stare at the parking lot for the town beach that exists in the trees’ place.

Some day, perhaps, my daughter and her husband will want to live here, to carry on the tradition of family. If that is so, only then will I part with my cup. I will entrust its care and keeping to my daughter, and, hopefully, a memory of me will live on.

All Things in Time

2006-07-06T09:48:00.000-04:00

I got an early start on Saturday by staying up until midnight cleaning Friday night and then just continuing to stay up and watch mindless television and chat to friends on the phone and IM. I thought it would be pointless to go to bed since I was going to get up at 4 a.m. anyway. So I showered and stuff eventually and then got in my car for about 4:25 a.m. and headed over to Sarah and Paul's beccause I had Paul burn a couple CDs for me and he was going to leave them in the mailbox. Turns out he didn't put them out there until 5:30 because he thought that would be early enough. and it would have been if I weren't crazy.

I drove on to Boston from there. Took the Ted Williams Tunnel and everything. Under the water. And it didn't collapse. I was so glad. I got to the airport for about 6 a.m. and proceeded to wait in the terminal for two hours. I read a bit of Coraline and talked to Paul on the phone for a bit. Seth's flight showed up right on time - 7:50 and I met him down in the baggage claim. I lost my new favorite sweatshirt down there. :(

Then we headed for home. I won't go into boring day by day details for you all but basically we just hung out a lot. We did a lot of running around to hang out with friends and family. We went to Ralph's on Saturday and saw an awesome ska band, we watched The Notebook (seth fell asleep halfway through), we hung out with Sarah, Paul, Sadie and Joe (which was really great), and we even had dinner with my parents and also Eric (I randomly invited him since I figured he and Seth had the whole marines thing in common). I got my mom an ice cream cake for her graduation with her masters. That was fun. Oh, and we even had time to take Pixel swimming down at the right-of-way at my parents' house. I hadn't been swimming in our lake in a while.

The weekend was entirely too short and before I knew it, I was driving him back to Logan airport. Traffic wasn't bad considering it was the fourth of July. I made it back home and didn't even get any on-call calls. then I went out to dinner later in the evening with a friend of mine and we hung out on the WPI campus for a bit which was actually very cool.

Back at work now and ready for the weekend already. Isn't that always the case?

Seth will be back here the last week of July. He's got a tour of WSC to go on and also an interview with one of the counselors. Hopefully he can find a job out here. I think Paul and Sarah liked him, which is good since they're in charge of all my relationship decisions. ;)

So he'll be out here in a couple weeks again and then in September I'm hoping to do a cross country trip with him. I'll just have to have a working vacation in July. Though there are two whole months between the July vaca and the September one. But I don't want to take too much time off so I'm going to keep my on-call in July and maybe work one or two days from home as well. Then in September when he gets out of the marines I'll fly out and meet him in Washington to spend a few days with his family and then we'll make a record breaking speed trip back to Massachusetts from there. I want to be able to go to Kimmy's wedding on the 30th so we are going to try to make the drive in four days. With two of us driving, it shouldn't be bad.

I'm really looking forward to that. Ever since I can remember, I knew that my parents went cross country on their honeymoon and I've always wanted to do it. there won't be much sightseeing this time around but maybe we can do it again some other time.

California Trip

2006-06-27T16:39:00.000-04:00

I never really finished writing much about this, did I? Hmm. . . I'll have to amend that now.

Sunday morning, 4:15 a.m.
I slept over Paul and Sarah's. If you can call it sleeping. I had a bit too much to drink Saturday night. One of those "hm, I'm pretty sure those bruises are from drunken karate pratice with Joe, but they could just as easily have been self inflicted" sort of nights. Did I mention I was very nervous about flying? So you'll have to excuse the alcoholism. Yes, you will! Okay then...

I meant to wake up at about 4 and be out of there and showered and stuff by 4:20/4:30. I woke up at 4:15, as stated above. So that was fun. I kissed Paul and Sarah goodbye (yea, we're weird like that) and then ran out the door with my bags and got in my car to drive to my coworker's house.

I had directions but of course that means nothing. I got lost of course. So even though I had been running late and was actually going to make it on time, I was then about 15 minutes late thanks to that. By the time I got there our town car was waiting. We loaded up my stuff, gave my keys to the girl's husband, and got on our way. The limo driver had no clue. He took us all over the place to get to the airport and drove super slow while doing it. I was already crazy nervous as it was without dealing with being late.

We got to T.F. Greene and I had just enough time to pop a couple xanax before we got on the flight. We found out when we got there that the one stop we thought we had was actually two stops. Providence to Phoenix (where we would not get off the plane) and then on to LA (where we would switch planes) and on to San Jose. Super. But thank goodness, no turbulance. The flight was uneventful. I texted Seth and Sarah a couple times and then suddenly we were there, in California. And boy, was it beautiful.

It was kind of funny because at first L and I were disappointed. I guess we expecting the aiport to look different or something. "Same freaks, different coast." We took a shuttle to the rental car place, which was thoroughly confusing. We got our car and drove to the hotel and only got a little lost.

The Mariott was beautiful in the lobby. I wish I had taken pictures but I didn't want to look like a huge tourist. By the time we got there I just wanted to get to my room so badly. Plus my cell battery had died as we got off the plane so I had no idea if Seth was waiting for us at the hotel or what was going on with that.

The three of us went up to our rooms and I started unpacking. Seth called and said he was lost but would be there soon. I was kind of thankful for the moment to collect myself anyway. After traveling on a plane all day, something I hate to do, I wanted to be able to relax for a sec. T came over after settling into her room and chatted with me for a minute and then my room phone rang and it was Seth wanting my room number. So I told T that we would stop by to say hi to her and L later.

I was nervous answering the door obviously but you know, after all the conversations we've had on the phone, it was very comfortable right off the bat. We chatted for a second and then went over to say hi to my two coworkers. We talked with them for a few minutes. they were all freaked out about me meeting him so they were glad to see that thus far he seemed normal. We agreed to meet them down in the bar/lounge for drinks later.

Then he and I finally got to chat in person for a while and it was lovely. We have a lot in common. I forgot how nice it was to talk to someone with the same religious beliefs who's been through the same things I have... Very nice. We joined the other two downstairs and had appetizers and drinks. Jess had introduced me to a lovely drink called sex on the beach (perhaps you've heard of it) before I left for Cali so I had two of those when one was actually more my limit for the night. Ah well. I was tired anyway and drinking makes me more so. By the time Seth left at . . .10ish I was ready to crash. I had such a great first half day there though thanks to meeting up with him.

for the rest of the week me, T and L and were inseperable and it was kind of cool. I had such a great time with them. On Monday we went to all day training and then T looked up directions to The Cheesecake Factory and a local mall. There was a lone girl in our class from Philly who also works for our company. So we adopted her for the week and she came out to dinner with us that night. She loves cheesecake factory. :) Then we walked around the mall a bit. I bought a San Francisco Giants sweatshirt and softball for Sadie. And we all got some clothes while we were there. I said as long as they had a Hot Topic I'd be happy and they did. Yay.

usually I don't post pics directly on here but there are links to buzznet and such so it's not like you can't see pictures of the girls I work with. Here they are at dinner. Awww.

Then of course drinks in the bar that night... Ah, the waiter knew us well.

Tuesday was another day of training and that night we went out to Pier 39 to do some touristy stuff. We had dinner at the Sea Lion Cafe.
Souveniers are so cheap there. I was shocked. When you shop up in Maine or in the Boston area or something, things are so expensive. It's like, "here, we put 'maine' on it for you. That'll be forty dollars." But in SF you could buy an entire wardrobe. Sheesh. So I managed to get gifts for a few people. I was very proud to find an SF snow globe for Sarah. :)

The coworker from Philedelphia had to go home Wednesday morning so we said goodbye to her when we got back from SF. Oh, and can I just say - the streets of San Francisco? HORRIBLE. TERRIFYING. Oh....my....god.... We thought the car was going to tip backwards. Anyway....

Wednesday we met with some licensing people to go over a bit of extra training. We were out after half a day though and then we went sailing with some fellow coworkers who were friends of T's. It was such a great time. I even got to steer for a bit. Very exciting. L and I got to chat up at the front for a bit because I was really dizzy for a little bit.

We were out sailing for quite a while and then we all went out to dinner at The Fish Market. It was pretty good. The chowder was a let down, but the appetizers were very yummy. I got sun burned during the day. Ouch.

I went back to my room and packed for the flight home the next morning. It was supposed to be direct but once again we stopped in Phoenix. Whatever. We got home eventually and I was out like a light in the car on the way to L's house. Then I picked up my car there and drove over to Sarah's to give everyone their gifts. Paul and Joe showed up a bit later. They had a softball game and went out to the bar after even though they lost... Yea....
I was glad to see all of them. It felt like I was gone longer than I was.

Then it was home where I stayed up way too late cuz I was still on Cali time and then I went to work the next day where it was weird to say goodbye to my coworkers for the weekend and know I wasn't going to see them at all.

The weekend was fairly uneventful except for my cousin's graduation party from college. So proud of him. Here he is with his sister.

And here's a pic my mom took of me and Kara:

And that was my weekend. Now I'm waiting for the week to be over since I'm picking Seth up at the airport on Saturday morning. yea, kind of an unexpected surprise. I'm psyched. We're going to try to hang out with everyone in Worcester on Saturday night. Should be a good time.

Well, I think that's plenty for now. Back to my insane cleaning of the apartment. Fun stuff. :)

Take a picture, why don't you?

2006-06-27T10:43:00.000-04:00

Quick post. Funny stuff...

Walking to the bathroom at work just now. I'm dressed fairly simply today. Brown slacks (yes, I said "slacks", Lisa, get over it. ;) ) and a brown fitted tee that's cut down a little but not terribly low.

I walk around the corner and these two maintanance guys are coming around from the other direction. One was a bit older and one was my age. The younger one looks me up and down really obviously and then proceeds to stare at my chest and smile as he walks past me.

I laughed out loud because it was so obvious it was terrible. haha. At least be subtle about it, kid.

Anyway, I got a giggle out of it so I thought I'd share.

On top of the world

2006-06-20T15:53:00.000-04:00

Guess where I am.
No, guess...

If you guessed Santa Clara, CA then you get a cookie when I get home. I am in a training room looking out the window to my right and enjoying the gorgeous sunshine that is streaming through the trees between the Yahoo and my company's building.

We landed on Sunday after an entire day of airline travel on Southwest. I took two xanax before we got on the first flight from Providence RI to LA. Or so we were told. Turns out they were letting people off and picking up a connection at Phoenix AZ so we stopped there, took off AGAIN, and then landed in LA and took off yet AGAIN to go to San Jose international. My cell phone died some time during the last flight so I was a little worried that Seth was sitting waiting at the hotel for us and I couldn't call him... Fortunately/unfortunately he got a bit lost so he didn't show up until I'd had a chance to unpack some of my stuff and actually freshen up a bit after so much travelling. bleh.

I had fun on the planes with T and L. I got the window seat so I got to look out there most of the flights and it was pretty good. We had a bit of turbulence on the first one but nothing like what happened when John and I went to Indianapolis for CIII. That was the WORST flight EVER. On these I just listened to my mp3 player and read Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul. It was kind of neat with the music because I had purposely programmed songs that I knew were good for travelling. So now I kind of have a soundtrack to my trip out here and there is one song that will always remind me of being here.

Seth and I chatted for a few minutes when he first got there and then I walked him over to the girls' rooms so he could meet them. We said we'd meet up with them in the bar later for dinner and drinks, because we were all sorely in need of some drinks. lol.

Finishing this now on 6/22 from my home again....

so...where was I? oh yes, Seth and I sat in the hotel room and talked for a while and then decided we should go meet the girls down in the bar. So we sat down there for a while. The night before I left Jess turned me on to "sex on the beach" drinks so I had two of those. I should have stopped with one. I was really tired by the time Seth and I headed back up to talk some more. He had to leave within like a half hour. That sucked. But I was so glad I got the chance to meet up with him.
I fell asleep pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow.

I'd love to write in more detail but I'm exhausted now. I got home tonight and went straight to Sarah and Paul's to drop off gifts for them. And now I've been up unpacking because I just can't leave that stuff alone.

Basically we were in training Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (but only in the morning that day). Monday we hung out with another girl from the class who we met, Mandy. She was from our company in Philly. We went to the mall and also to the cheesecake factory for dinner. Tuesday was spent in San Francisco walking around fisherman's wharf. I do NOT recommend driving up those hills. The movies cannot even begin to describe how horrific that is. There are people who have lived in Cali all their lives and refuse to drive on those streets. We thought the car was going to tip backwards. We were all so glad T was driving and not us. I think Mandy and I were seriously going to get out and walk.

Wednesday afternoon was spent sailing with some friends of T's. I got so burned but it was such an awesome experience. I've never driven a sailboat before. So cool.

here are some pictures. I"ll try to write more later.

Review of "An evening with Mother"

2006-06-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

It went really well. She showed up around 6. I tried to vacuum before she got there but of course my vacuum chose to get stuck so I couldn't. Grrr. I know how obsessive she gets about stuff like that. Anyway, she showed up and brought me groceries because she rocks. :) She brought me apples and spaghetti and stuff like that. Things that I could easily cook and use before I leave on Sunday. She and Dad are going to watch Pixel and Amelie for me at their house and they will come over and check on the birds and Tika (rat) a couple days while I'm gone. My mom met Tika last night. Fortunately she was used to me having gerbils and stuff when I was a kid so they don't really freak her out. Besides, Tika is super cute.

Of course Mom had to clean while she was there. that's what she does. so she did my dishes even though I insisted I am perfectly capable of doing them. I sat in the kitchen and chatted with her while she did them. We talked about so much stuff. You know what's funny? I've never asked my parents how they met... I mean, I know they went to high school and college together but that about covers it. So I finally asked last night. Weird huh? I thought they started dating in hs, but Mom said she barely knew Dad then. Just knew OF him. They didn't get together until college when they were both in the same classes and hung out in the lounge together. It was neat to think of my parents meeting at the same school that I used to go to.

I showed Mom my cousins' myspace pages and my own. Didn't give her the address to them of course... lol. She wanted to know if she could make a page. I was like "sure, but I doubt you'd like it". Haha, I can picture her adding Joe and Paul and Sarah and stuff now... That'd be a trip.

We talked about religion a lot too. I basically told her that I have no one to talk to about any of this stuff because I can't just walk up to an elder and say "hey, if I wanted to get reinstated but still wanted to talk to my best friend, what would you say?" Because I know the answer. I know the answer would be I'm not putting Jehovah and my life above everything else. I said to Mom that they'd be darn right that I wasn't putting my life ahead of my friends'. I told her that if my talking to Sarah meant I wasn't going to be resurrected or whatever then so be it. If it was a choice between my life and hers or my life and Sadie's... or Paul's ... or Joe's, or Jess or Eric, I would easily say that I would be willing to give my life in exchange for theirs. So why would I not say that in this situation? Besides, the universe is not so poorly designed that I would be punished for sticking by my sister. My best friend in the entire world.

You want to know the most bizarre part about that point in the conversation? my mom agreed with me. I think she's leaning more towards the "get reinstated and then just don't bring it up" notion. I'm still not sure what I want to do but it's nice to know if I never went back she would still be my mom.

When Mom and I were chatting Seth gave me a call. So I told him I was busy with my mom and I'd call him back. He said to say hi to her. She was asking me about me meeting up with him in Cali on Sunday and such... I told her it's nothing serious and don't worry and all that. I actually don't think she was very worried, which is good. She must be getting better at this.

A little bit later Jess Foote gave me a call! She said she was right down the road and asked if she could stop by. And when she heard my mom was there she was very excited. Everyone loved my mom in high school and grade school. She was the cool mom. :)

I walked outside to meet Jess in the parking lot and in the two minutes I was outside, my mom was sweeping up my kitchen when we came back in. ::eye roll:: She's crazy. They chatted for a few moments and then my mom had to get going, not before lecturing me on making another tattoo appointment... Oh, and I want to get my lip pierced. Did I not mention that?

Jess ended up staying and chatting until around 10. We had so much fun. We just sat on the couch and talked a mile a minute. That's what she and I do. We don't see each other forever and then we catch up and talk about all sorts of philisophical stuff as well. We must have had an hour-long conversation about religion last night and how strict some of the JWs were at our school and such... We talked about relationships, or rather our lack of them at the moment. And then we decided to go out to the north end pub on Friday. She goes a lot with her friend Chrissy whom I've never met so we figured why not. I guess a lot of BP people hang out there so that could be fun. I think Joel is going to go along with us too since we'll have time to watch a movie or two before Jess calls around 10 or so. I'm excited to go out.

Saturday I'd like to try to go over to Paul and Sarah's and say bye to them and Sadie before I leave for my trip. I always get worried about plane rides. I feel like it's the last time I'm going to see people... I'm so manic about this stuff. I really need to stop worrying.

Before Jess left we figured we'd give Moir a call and see if he wanted to meet up on Friday since it's a rare occurence that Jessie goes to a bar. lol. So she dials his number on her phone, puts him on speaker, and we proceed to have this five minute conversation about meeting up at the north end and all that. she says, "jessie's coming out with us so you have to go."
"Which Jessie?"
So I said "The only one that matters."
and then he said something like "I've never been to the north end."
Jess and I kind of looked at each other and then panicked for a second as she realized that she has our friend Eric under his last name in her phone and the guy she called was actually her ex boyfriend that she hadn't talked to in a few months. We died laughing. She had to explain to him what happened and we were both cracking up.

Jess left around 10 and I gave Seth a call back finally. We talked from then until about 2 a.m. my time at which point I started to fall asleep on the phone like I usually do. We are both getting excited to meet up in California in a few days. It'll be so nice to have a friend who understands the whole disfellowshipping thing and is still interested in going back.

I actually managed to get up by about 6:30 today. And I'm totally functional on only about 4 hours of sleep. Not bad. Hope I don't come crashing down tonight before kenpo. I am still so sore. What the hell? I thought if I just kept pushing through it and doing sit ups every day and stuff that I would feel better, but I feel like I have pulled every stomach and arm muscle I have. Ergh. I'm still looking forward to it though. I showed my mom the star block set last night and she was all impressed. lol. Now if I could just remember the names of the other ones since he calls them out and I'm supposed to do them. Have I mentioned my terrible memory before?

Busy busy. I have a ton of stuff to do before I leave Sunday. I can't believe it's only 4 days away. Barely.

My mom isn't crazy

2006-06-12T21:50:00.000-04:00

I'm shocked to discover this fact...

Let me fill in the gaps a bit. Let's see... worked my ass off today from home. I didn't even get to nap or anything. I am therefore still exhausted. Then I went to karate. I am having so much fun with that. I'm actually sad that I have to go away on my business trip and miss two classes. The one other girl who is in that class but hasn't been in like six months showed up tonight. I thought she was like a senior or something because she's out of school already but I guess she's going to be a sophomore. I really like the people in the class. Some of them seem kind of young but they are really nice. And very welcoming.

Man, karate kicked my ass tonight. I was still sore from Wednesday for some reason. And if I was sore before... Joe did the warm ups tonight and oh...my...god...Those hurt. Plus it's really great to have someone who's killing you like that say to "make sure you're smiling" while you do it. But then I learned the star block set over again and this time it stuck with me a bit. I did a few sets when I got home to make sure that I remember to Wednesday.

So I called Kirsty on my way home from class and chatted with her for a bit. Then I randomly decided to call my mom. I had missed seeing her on Saturday because it was kind of a chaotic day for me and she wasn't back by the time I was done doing laundry at their house. So I figured I owed her a call.

Wow, I haven't decided if I'm glad that I called her or not. We talked for a good hour. I told her about how up in the air I am about being reinstated as a JW... I kind of eased her into it. I didn't know how she'd take it or how much of a lecture I was in for. Turns out I wasn't in for one at all. I told her that there was no way I could ever abandon Sarah again and if they'd let me get reinstated while doing that then maybe I'd consider it more but I know that's not going to happen. She was sad of course. and she said she'd still like to me to show up to a couple meetings because she knows I've been away from it for a while.

Then we kept talking and you know how when someone asks in such a nice way if you're okay cuz they can hear in your voice that you're not? yea, she did that and I ended up telling her about some other stuff that was going on in my life recently and that wasn't anymore. And if I ever expected a lecture i was definitely expecting one right then but again the lecture didn't get there. Instead she commiserated with me and said how proud she was of me for all the decisions I'm making in my life and that I'm living on my own and making things work. She said that Sarah, Paul and Joe are like family and there shouldn't be any reason why I can't treat them like that. We talked about the whole dating thing and staying friends with people after and how hard it can be in some situations... It was so bizarre. I felt like asking what she'd done with my mom...

She's coming over tomorrow night to hang out for a bit and I find that I am really excited for her to come over. I even let it slip that it's not just a self defense course I'm taking, but that it's actually karate. So maybe I can show her some of the stuff I've learned so far. I just wish I could remember the names for things better. My instructor was standing in front of me calling out the names of the blocks and stuff and I was so lost. Or I felt so lost. He said I did well but who knows. Oh, and I ended up giving him some info on the 501st so who knows... maybe we'll have a karate/star wars event at some point. ;)

All-in-all I think it was a pretty good night. I finally took my Paxil again. Wow, I really have to remember to do that. And especially when I'm in California because I can feel the panic attacks coming on already. I think that's pretty much all I've got. I have to get to bed soon and get up early for work and hopefully have time to clean a bit before Mom comes over tomorrow night. I'm excited that she's coming for a visit. :)

Saturday Fun

2006-06-12T11:22:00.000-04:00

I had dinner at Nate and Kim's. What a blast. I thought I would feel like a third wheel, but you know how you can totally avoid that feeling when you are around a couple who is just so comfortable with each other? That's how they are. They are just very welcoming and laid-back and I had a really great time. Kim even said she might want to take kenpo with me which might be interesting. I think I'm going to go to a couple more classes before I ask about anyone else joining or what have you.

I left their house around nine (beautiful house, by the way) and drove out to Worcester to go the bar... diner.... club... whatever it was. What a totally random place. I don't know how I never heard about it before since there is literally a flashing sign on Grove st pointing to it... lol.
We only watched maybe one song of one of the bands, but it was still a good time. Mostly we all sat at the bar and talked, which I much prefer to more impersonal atmospheres anyway. Joel was there of course and his friend Chad and this girl Joy and their friend Bob... And this guy I was in grade school with too - Bill, and his girlfriend Lori. Lori was really cool. We ended up going to Chad's house after and watching a movie and drinking. Well, I didn't drink. had I felt more in my element I might have, but it's not necessary. I didn't get home until about 4 a.m. Insanity.

But like Kirsty said, it's not like I had the opportunity to do all this stuff when I was a teenager.

I leave for Cali in less than a week. I'm so terrified of the plane ride. At least I'll know someone out there, though. That makes it a little bit better. I think we're just going to hang out and watch movies since he has an eight hour drive back home. I'll probably be homesick after that since that's at the beginning of the trip and then I've still got four days to go. Crazy all the travelling I'll be doing on Thursday. We won't be home until 6:50 our time at night and we start flying in the morning. That sucks.

Ah, ER episodes.... I'm home sick today. Woke up feeling really awful at about 6 a.m. so I'm working from home today. I wish I could just crash but T is alone in the office for the morning so I can't leave her there working all the cases by herself.

Button and Justarius are out of their cages flying around. Cuties. They've started fighting a little bit though. I hope that I don't have to seperate them. I don't want to clean yet another bird cage. I've already got another cage now anyway... There's a story behind it.

I went to Sarah's yesterday to hang out with her and Sadie. We drove to Petco to get some bird food. Yea... Note to self - don't take Sarah to Petco with me anymore. lol. We started looking at the hampsters and rats and stuff and Sarah started saying how cool the rats at her work are so we asked the girl if we could hold a couple. Well, I held this cute little white female baby rat. So sweet. She just sat there with me for a few minutes until I told the lady I'd take her. Then we had fun with Sadie running around and getting supplies and stuff. Went back to Sarah's and Paul and Joe were there. So we set up the cage and got some ribbing for buying a rat... Then we all watched Swordfish together. I hadn't seen that one yet. Joe ended up leaving at some point and I stayed until 1 or so talking with Sarah and Paul. I shouldn't have stayed that late, but it was good to spend time with them.

Well, back to work I guess. Gosh, I wish I had food in this house. I'm living worse than a bachelor. I don't even have milk to make mac and cheese. Dunkin' Donuts it is. And then later... off to karate. Help. I'm still so sore.

So that's what that feels like...

2006-06-09T23:54:00.000-04:00

Today was absolute hell at work.

T and I were on our own. L was out for the day going to the cape with her husband. Good for her, I say. She should be psyched she missed today. The cases just kept piling in, the phone kept ringing, all that fun stuff.

Throughout the whole thing I had a conversation with Paul that lasted all day and, while enlightening, ultimately sucked. No offense, Paul. Anyway, it was just a rough day and I was so tired by the time I got out.

But once bright spot was that I got to take Sadie to school this morning. I picked her up and she was so cute. All excited. I said to Sarah that I half hoped the teachers wouldn't let me drop her off cuz then I could call in sick to work and Sadie and I could go play with Pixel all day, but Sadie looked up at me all serious and said "Jessie, you have to take me to school..." So I took her and I met two of her friends, one of which thanked me for bringing her to school. Kids are so random. And then I went to dunkin' donuts on my way home for some breakfast. Picked up a coffee for Joe and dropped that off with him and then went to work. He asked who it was knocking and I said "Jehovah's Witnesses". I haven't done that in a while. Mostly because I can't really officially say it anymore...

Joel came over tonight and we watched Runaway Bride. I felt so bad because I fell asleep after it was over and we were watching Nick at Nite. I'm just so tired from this week. But I'll have a chance to make up for it tomorrow. I'm going over Nate and Kim's for dinner and then going out here with Joel and a couple of his friends. Well, I'm meeting them there. Hopefully I can find the place. Anyone up for some live music and alcohol? ;)

I know I have muscles there NOW....because they hurt

2006-06-08T12:38:00.000-04:00

Well, it isn't quite that bad but lets just say I haven't worked out in a very very long time. We started off class promptly at 6:45 and there were only five of us there, which is admittedly pretty cool. They start off (at least on Wednesdays) with push ups, sit ups, and jumping jacks. Oh, and running in place and stretches. I was pleased with myself because I did everything that the guys were able to do. not even "girl" pushups either, which serve no purpose whatsoever. How is pushing up from your knees nearly as helpful as when you are on your feet and hands? It's silly. If you're going to join anything that is male-dominated you should be able to at least try to keep up.

Then we went through the block set which I followed well enough thanks to Joe showing them to me a couple weeks ago. Hey, he does come in handy occasionally. And then the instructor showed me five blocks by myself and had me work on them while he taught some stuff to the rest of the class. Before we started he asked me about my tshirt. I was wearing this. So I explained about the NEG a little bit and said how we do work for children's charities and such. He asked me to bring in some info to my next class. I printed out a few pages of info today at work to take in on Monday. I don't know if Joe found his inquiry amusing when I told him later since he makes fun of me for the Star Wars stuff all the time. And even pretended to not believe me when he mentioned that we probably stole our name from Battlefronts II and I said that no, actually Lucas had used OUR name in HIS game. But whatever... Stupid anti-geeks. lol.

So I thoroughly enjoyed my first kenpo class. I am really quite psyched about it. He even said I did well for someone who had never taken martial arts before. I'm so motivated to not screw up that I think that's what does it. Oh, it especially helped that I talked to Joe right before I left work and he said not to embarrass him. That always encourages me. Much like John telling me not to cry and embarrass him when we went to my first tattoo appointment...

Speaking of which... Lookie where I get to go on July 6th!! Here. I am so excited. I'm getting my Mara Jade tat finally. It's going to be awesome. The only thing that sucks is that I'm going by myself. The appointment is too early in the month for Seth because he won't be visiting until late July, Sarah would have to bring Sadie with her (and Sadie around Al [the ouija one is John's] is a big no-no), and Joe never knows his schedule. So that leaves me taking an adventurous drive to NH by myself. It could be fun. I've become much more independant since the whole break up thing.

I am getting excited for Cali. T has a friend out there who also works for our company and he and another employee are going to take us out on the bay for a sailboat ride. It's a nice sailboat too. Plus I get to meet up with Seth so that will be interesting too. Maybe we'll hate each other. ;) Doubtful.

Here are some sailboat pics for ya.

and here she is under sail:
California, here I come. The countdown starts Saturday. Screw training. I'm going sailing!

Wake me up before you go-go

2006-06-07T10:29:00.000-04:00

I haven't taken my Paxil for 4 days. I am so dumb about this stuff. I really have to get with it.

This week and weekend will not be typical for me for once. Tonight marks my first karate class. That's new. I had to cancel therapy. I forgot that I see her every other week on Wednesdays. So I'm going to have to rearrange that if I want to keep going, which I do. I need it I think. We haven't even begun to get into all the stuff we should at my appointments. But that's besides the point...

So tonight is Kenpo. I've read one of the books on it that Joe let me borrow and watched a few DVDs of seminars he went to. They are really interesting. I think I'm going to like this once I get over the initial embarrassment of being in class with people who know so much more than I do. Plus sometimes random people come in and watch the classes. Uncomfortable much? Um, yea.

Friday night is movie night with Joel. There's nothing good in theaters so we will probably just hang out and watch something at my place. Relaxing.

Saturday I'm breaking the cycle. I really love hanging out at Sarah and Paul's, but I just need a break from it. I feel like I am constantly spending the weekend at Joe's and that's so not what I need right now, especially not with how he is. So I texted (it's a word if I say it is!) a couple friends yesterday and Nate ended up inviting me over to his house Saturday. I've never seen where he lives so that should be cool. We're going to have dinner there. His fiancee Kim is super nice and the three of us will probably just relax and hang out for the evening. If I have time after I might swing by to say hi to Sarah cuz I'll have Sarah withdrawals this weekend. lol. But we'll see. I just need to be out of the situation for a bit.

And then Sunday is the meeting that I may or may not go to and I really need to do some laundry at some point.

Short entry I know... I'm kind of tired and run down right now. I hope I cheer up soon.

The picture at the top is from a google image search for "chucks". I thought it was neat.

update

2006-06-06T17:02:00.000-04:00

The Reference Entry was updated. Now includes updated list of pets, moving dates, and I rearranged the friends a bit (oh, and added Joe who somehow had not made the cut the first time around. lol)

yea, that's all I got. I'm going home!!!!!!

California here I come

2006-06-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

We've booked our flight. We're flying Southwest (like on A&E's Airline. yay) on June 18th. We leave at 7:50 in the morning from Providence and arrive in LA at 12:15 their time. Then we fly from LA to San Jose and get there at 2:15 their time. Then we pick up our car and head over to the hotel.

We'll have the rest of the day Sunday to get settled in and maybe go out to dinner or something. But I don't know if I'll be doing any sightseeing with the gals because Seth is supposed to meet me at the hotel after I arrive. I'm really excited to meet him finally. We've been chatting on the phone and online for a couple months now and we have a ton in common. It's nice to talk to someone who understands how tough it is to be disfellowshipped.

I've been finding in my past couple "relationships" that opposites attract definitely but it doesn't mean it will work out. That's depressing because I seem to really have a spark with certain people but they just aren't ready or they're not right for me or whatever. Having stuff in common is what keeps you together in the long run. not that I'm saying I'm going to jump into a relationship with Seth. Far from it. Though I'm already getting tormented by Joe and Paul about it. But that's not my problem so I'll just let it go.

I am kind of getting excited for this trip now. I'll have the afternoon on Sunday to relax and then Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are training. Then we're out of there at 8:25 a.m. on Thursday. We won't get home until 6:50 our time of course... Gotta love the time changes. I don't think I'll be into work on Friday. Augh. Seth wanted me to stay through the weekend but that would mean I'd have to fly home by myself and I'm not ready for a 7 hour flight on my own.

I just have to figure out what the heck I'm going to pack...

I went to my first kenpo class last night. I was going to participate but I had a minor procedure done at the doctor's yesterday and she said no physical activity for a couple days so I just showed up and watched. Joe was teaching last night. He is so sarcastic with those kids. It's funny. I got to talk to the school owner for a little bit. I told him that I have that business trip coming up and all so he said I could take the next three classes for free and then when I get back I can decide if I want to sign up. They ask for a year committment from you which seems like a lot at first, but I guess with all the stuff you have to learn it's not that much. Plus there are people like Joe who have been going 20 years so one year out of my life isn't bad. I just hope I do well at it and actually want to stick with it.

How to sum up this past weekend

2006-06-05T10:20:00.000-04:00

Exhausting.

It's not that it was a bad weekend. It was actually quite a nice one. But I am basically running on empty right now. I fell asleep driving on the pike yet AGAIN this morning. Didn't I say I was going to stop doing that? My alarm went off at 6:01 a.m. today and I didn't get out of bed until 6:54 a.m. yea.... Not a good start to your day. I left the house late, got into work late, etc.

We are booking our flight to Cali today. Help.

Friday night Joel came over for movies. We watched Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 12, both of which are hilarious films. I just love them. He ended up staying until 2:30 a.m. after which I immediately fell asleep on the couch. And the night before I didn't sleep in my bed either. And then Saturday I went shopping with Sarah for karate clothes (found some after three hours of shopping) and then stayed up at their house all night again so last night was the first night in four that I slept in my own bed. After all that it finally seemed pretty comfy.

So Saturday was a success. I managed to find a couple pairs of comfy pants to wear to class and some tank tops. Though Joe said the tank tops aren't a good idea. He took me out to lunch on Sunday and asked me how many push ups I can do. Yea... How about three before I collapse? So then he says he's asking because they do sets up push ups, sit ups and jumping jacks (!!!) during each class. I think I may be dreading that even more than the actual class. Can't I get a doctor's note or something? No jumping jacks. It's not like they even do anything for you anyway.

I start today. Got a doctor's appointment first that is not going to be pleasant at all and then straight over to karate. Don't show up to class unless you're prepared to work though right? Yea, I'm so not going to be prepared after the day today.

So Saturday's shopping trip was great like I said. Sarah and I took Sadie with us. One girl asked if she was mine or Sarah's and Sarah was going to answer "ours". lol. Sadie was pretty good. She was promised an Orange Julius if she would just let her mom and I shop so she behaved for the most part. She's a great kid anyway.

We thought by the time we got home that they boys would be ready to go out to dinner, especially since we drove by Joe's street on the way back and didn't see his car parked out front. But when we got to Paul and Sarah's Joe wasn't there and Paul was sleeping. So we had to wake him up, text and call Joe a couple times, and meanwhile Sadie is saying she's "STARVING". I think she gets that from me. ;)

We ended up going out to Firehouse in Webster and I even got a few cute pictures while we were there. And then some of later that night. I'm telling you, I swear that I am not really a drinker but Joe and Sarah just bring it out in me. Not that I was drunk. I was a little tipsy. I sucked down a coconut rum thing that Sarah made for me in about 10 minutes. It tasted horrid but I was thirsty. I think it's the first time I beat the other two through the first couple drinks. But then I stopped after three. That was pretty much my limit. I just get tired after that. Paul went to bed around 1:00 and the three of us watched "Just Friends" (funny enough) and "Ice Age" (always hilarious) which I fell asleep through most of it. At least Joe finally saw where I got the expression "You're out of the herd" from.

Speaking of which.... I was out for about 4 years and my morbid curiosity makes me wonder about stuff.... When Joe took me out to lunch I asked him if Sarah ever talked about missing me and her family or whatever during the time I was "gone". He said yes but he wasn't going to talk about it. Great. I know that that is definitely something he holds over my head about my religion and stuff and I'd love to know what went on surrounding it but oh well.

Last night Joel came over and hung out for about an hour. Left the lights on in his car so my dad had to come out and jumpstart it. Kind of funny. Then Dad sat around and chatted with me for about 15 minutes about my job and the "self defense" class. ;)
Around 9 I had to go pack up some clothes for karate (dragged out my handy dandy star wars backpack too) and that of course led to reorganizing my bureau. (Okay, maybe not "of course" to some of you but to someone like me, it just directly follows.) Then I sat down and watched the rest of Runaway Bride (it's me! lol) on tv and read some of this. Then it was off to bed where L woke me up at 1 a.m. cuz she was on call for the first time and I was her back up. She did really well all weekend though. I talked to her a few times and she had some really tough calls but she did great.

J and B leave for their part of the business trip on Wednesday so the next few weeks are going to be chaotic.

Sidenote - Friday

2006-05-31T18:11:00.000-04:00

In all the chaos of writing about my busy weekend I forgot one other thing that I did on Friday. Joel didn't show up at my house until nine because I was going to go check out Joe's karate class with J from work. J ended up not wanting to go because she was on-call so I went alone. I was nervous all day about it and I'm not sure why. I was just going to watch the kids' class. No big deal. But it was something pretty new, someplace unfamiliar, and also I figured it would be weird to see Joe in such a serious environment.

I showed up and had no idea where to park so I parked right out front. And of course the whole outside of the school is covered in windows so the kids that are waiting for class are staring at me as I sit out there (and later Joe said he saw me too). The class I was going to watch wasn't until 6:15 but I went in around 5:45 because I couldn't just sit out there and read like I was planning on doing.

Walked in to practically the middle of the classroom so I went off to the side to wait in the waiting room and then Joe saw me and waved me over to sit with the parents on the side. I'm told the kids' class is structured differently. they were basically all paired off and Joe and another teacher just walked around the room and helped them out occasionally. I just sat there and watched. I actually enjoyed it though. I mean, it was a little awkward sitting there with the parents and I'm sure some of the kids wondered who the heck the random person was watching them, but it was still neat.

Two boys were practicing right in front of me and when Joe came over to help them with something the boy who was "attacking" asked of the other one, "what if he punches himself in the face instead of me?" I started paying attention, eager to hear Joe's answer to this one... "Well, that'd be a bad day for him then wouldn't it?" Had to cover my face to keep from laughing out loud. I thought that might be inappropriate in such a quiet serious setting.

The school owner came out eventually and walked over to me so I met him and talked to him for about a minute. I felt funny because I had spoken to him on the phone so he knows I"m interested in the adult class and he was like, "You know this is the children's class right?" so I had to say that I was just there to watch Joe teach and I'm thinking "Please don't think we're dating. This is just awkard." lol. Because, really, why else would I be watching a kids' class?... But anyway....

Afterwards I was going to stick around for the next class that I was supposed to watch, but I figured I might as well get going. I talked to Joe for a couple minutes after but another class was starting so I headed out. Oh, it was raining wicked bad that day and I had chosen to wear ballet slippers so that added some fun to my afternoon.

I was sitting there watching those kids in class and they were so cute. Probably not so cute if they tried to beat me up (because they could probably do it) but cute nonetheless. I was thinking about someday when I have kids (if I have kids) taking them to classes like this and sitting there like the other parents... It's kind of a neat thing to think about. It's funny how your opinions on things can change. I was always taught growing up that all kinds of martial arts were bad and violent and that kids should have nothing to do with them. Watching those kids... I didn't see any (except one. lol) who were going to leave that class and go beat up some other unsuspecting kid. I saw children standing there listening attentively to their teacher and showing some serious respect, way beyond the level that most kids their age have probably mastered. I'm still not keen on boy scouts with all the patriotism and training for the military that they mix in, but maybe some self defense stuff wouldn't be that bad some day. I wonder if Joe will still be teaching there. That'd be funny. "Oh ya, I knew your mom..." Being married and happy and having children is a happy thought in and of itself anyway.

Off to go spend some time with the pets. They missed me today. Poor babies.

XMen3 * 2

2006-05-30T18:44:00.000-04:00

This weekend was amazing and horrible all at the same time. Friday I saw XMen3 with Joel. That was fun. It was my turn to pay so I bought the tickets online. Good thing I did. It wasn't as bad as the Da Vinci Code. We actually got good seats. But it was still sold out.

We were sitting there chatting before the movie and I saw two girls who looked really familiar. It was Sam and Jen, the wife and girlfriend of two guys I went to high school with. They were the ones I had dinner with at pub99 a while back. So I said hi to Sam and I'm not entirely sure she recognized me. But then Kevin came walking over to us and said hi. He seemed happy enough to see me. I introduced him to Joel and we chatted for a minute and then he went to catch up with the girls down front.

The movie was good. I was a bit disappointed and can't really say why without giving it away. I liked x2 better. Yet I went to see x3 again on Sunday. Go fish. But there's a bit more before I get to that.

Saturday was boring during the day. I didn't do much except run some errands and clean. I wasn't sure if Kirsty was coming over but by noon I pretty much figured she wasn't. I think she had a family emergency so I hope everything's okay. I sat around the house until 5 or so and then headed over to Sarah and Paul's. Sarah and I watched the end of Pride and Prejudice in her room because the boys were playing Paul's new xbox. You know guys and video games... There's no tearing them away.

After the movie was over (which Sarah and I "awww"ed to the whole time [why can't real life be like that??]) we watched some Punky Brewster, which I had also brought along on DVD. I have the whole first season. Sarah went out to watch some of the video games and so Sadie and I snuggled up and watched the show together. It was so cute. Around quarter of 11 I heard Sarah and Joe arguing about who was going to go out to the package store. Never good. lol. So Joe ran out and came back with alcohol. Woo hoo.

I was so proud of myself though cuz I didn't have anything to drink. I started my double dose of Paxil on Saturday so I was quite dizzy and thought adding some alcohol to that equaled not good. Paul went to bed a little bit later because we're boring. So Sarah, Joe and I proceeded to stay up all night and watch like four movies that I barely remember because the three of us were talking through most of them. One of those nights where you can't even remember all the topics you covered because you just talked about all types of stuff. Joe was telling me about karate and then we were chatting with Sarah about tons of stuff. It was a great night. I forget what time it was that I asked Joe to teach me something from kenpo but it was light out by that time. So he showed me some. . . star blocks. I think that's what they're called. I've forgotten them by now. Sucks.

Sunday Joe drove over to my house with me so I could take a quick shower and get changed. The fight on the way over there was super fun. Then we went to Paul's parents' house for a memorial day cook out. I hadn't been there since high school. We hung out with his family for about four hours and mostly all beat on each other. Great fun. Then we went over to Joe's parents' for a cook out there. :) Everyone played basketball and I talked to Joe's.... I think she was his sister in law. She is a huge Star Wars fan so we were having some convention talk and I have to remember to send her some Super Mega Fest info so that she and Joe's brother can go. Then Sarah and I took Joe's dog Sasha (she's beautiful) for a walk just to get away from everyone for a bit. Just cuz we'd spent all day with other people's families. And then the four of us went to see x3 (again for me).

Monday was pretty uneventful. I lugged my armor box downstairs so that I could go to ceremony. That hurt. I drove over to Joe's to drop off his eye drops that I had been holding in my purse for him and of course he wasn't home so I left them balanced on the door knob. Then I drove over to Sarah and Paul's and Joe's truck was there... I needed Paul to transfer some files off my work laptop for me. We went outside with Sadie to watch the boys play catch. I got to play with Joe for a bit. Which was funny since I was in my club gear. Playing catch in a dress with knee high boots is difficult. Then we all sat around and played some video games. I got home a little late and crashed on the couch. I skipped out on ceremony for video games... I have issues. But I guess I just thought the night would turn out better. Whatever. I'm over it.

Today was horrible. It's literally 90 degrees in my apartment so I had to run out and buy fans. I can't afford an AC. I just sat around all day and watched TV. Horribly uneventful. What a wasted day off. Back to work tomorrow. I have training on Thursday and Friday. Greeeeat. And then I think I'm on call this weekend. Bah.

I picked up Gunther from my parents' this weekend finally. I missed my buddy. But I dropped off TK and Peachy Keen with them until I can find a home for them. I am SO SAD, but there's nothing I can do. Five birds in this one bedroom apartment is just too much. I hope I can find them a good home where they can stay together. No more pets until I am married and in a house. I'm sick of having to part with them. :(

Oh, and when I got home on Sunday night my neighbor banged on my door at 11:30 at night. She lives next door on teh second floor. She asked me to not leave my outdoor light on all night cuz it shines in her bedroom window. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Get curtains. Anyone? If I think I'm going to be home late I leave my light on. That's how it is. That's what an outdoor light is for. But by that time I was so tired that I just said fine and then she left. I had barely made it home without crashing my car. I was exhausted. Seth called me on my way home to try to keep me awake and I don't even remember talking to him. Augh. I'm still exhausted. I just can't sleep properly.

I'm starting kenpo next week. I have to start keeping myself busy.

An Hour is Never Long Enough

2006-05-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

Therapy was last night. I told Kerry my story about my dad saying I should date who I want. She thinks I should try to have another conversation with him about it and maybe find out if he and my mom are happy and if they aren't, if it's because of the religious divide. I don't know if my dad and I are really at that point yet. When my Grammy died (his mom) we sat down and talked about how religious she was.... That's why I kept a set of her rosary beads. Not because I believe in it myself but because it was a big part of her life and of my heritage.

Maybe I will talk to him....

I told Kerry about how I don't even trust my judgement in relationships anymore. I've had two huge relationships end and I really don't know where to go from there. It was one of those things that she doesn't really answer for me. Like she doesn't say "that's not true" or "yea, you do have issues". She just kind of sat and listened and then said that she thinks my idea of taking the summer off from making any relationship or religious decisions would be good for me. So I'm not going to put my letter in until at least September and I'm not going to even think about dating anyone or being in a relationship with anyone or whatever until then either.

In the meantime, I'm going to keep myself occupied with work and friends and classes. I'm going to find an American Sign Language class to take because I've always wanted to. I tried teaching myself ASL since 7th grade and I've picked up on a lot of it through books and such but I'd like to take a formal class in it. Obviously work always keeps me busy too. I've got that business trip to California in June. I also found out that I am getting hired! Finally!!! So it will be a slight pay drop but I'll have vacation/holiday hours and health insurance.

I was talking to J at work yesterday saying how Joe was telling me I could come watch him teach sometime (something I think would be interesting) if I took a beginner karate class... J was like "oh my god, I'll take it with you". I was so shocked at that but it seems like a really good way for us to hang out so I figured why not. I called the school and left a message but haven't heard back yet. They need a secretary or something. Hey, I could use some extra money. haha. Anyway, I think it would be really interesting to take that class with J.... if we ever hear back about it. In the meantime she's going to check out prices at a karate place down the street from her. But I think that they are different types because Webster Institute is kenpo and this one isn't I don't think. But if we don't hear back we'll just take one near her house. It's mostly for the excercise anyway. Not that it wouldn't be cool to go to the one Joe teaches at but I don't think I'd even see him anyway.

The lovebirds are driving me crazy. They are so loud. I was seriously considering rehoming TK and Peachy yesterday. But Peachy just finally trusts people again. I'd hate to mess her up. Plus, how will I ever be the crazy bird lady if I find homes for all my birds?? My mom already wants to keep Gunther... That's not happening though. He and Button are my favorites.

so yea, therapy went well...Today my friend Joel is coming over after work just to hang out which should be cool. And then of course, since we're movie buddies, he's going to see xmen3 with me tomorrow night. Then on Saturday Kirsty is supposed to come over and see my new apartment at which point we might go out and say hi to Sarah and Sadie and then I have no idea what's happening that night but I know I'm not drinking because now that I"m on Paxil all it does is make me sleepy so it's not worth it. Meeting on Sunday cuz I promised Dawn and then I have Monday off for Memorial Day and I took Tuesday off because I'm going to Ceremony in Boston for their Star Wars night on Monday. Should be a blast.

What did I DO???

2006-05-22T21:30:00.000-04:00

Is the subject line curious enough?

Ever since I broke up with John I've been hearing about how I should go back to college. My mom, Paul, Joe, etc... I think my mom just wants me to keep busy so I won't date anyone. My friends are slightly better-intentioned. :)

I started researching online universities. There's the University of Phoenix, Devry.... And of course colleges around here offer online courses - Nichols, Quinsig, Worcester State...
I filled out a couple online forms for more info and a half hour later got a call from Phoenix. So I talked to a counselor for about 45 minutes on the phone.

I have an appointment to talk more about course offerings tomorrow... What am I thinking? I can't go back to school. I hated school. Well, except for my English courses. And this wouldn't be English. It would be a business degree. Though they are phasing out their associates degrees and going just to bachelors. I told the guy I didn't want to be in school for 8 years trying to earn a 4 year degree. But he said with 2 1/2 years of full-time education behind me (I went to Worcester State right out of high school, thank god) it would only take me about 2 more years to earn my bachelors. I've got to be insane. I have no time in my life right now. Or money.

I tried texting Joe to see where you're supposed to inquire about online stuff at Nichols and get the info on that but never heard back. I think I might have found the right section on the website though so that's good. It looks like they do offer complete online degrees.

I don't know. I feel like I want to "better" my life a bit, especially now that I'm on my own and have a bit more time. But then again, I do have committment issues so maybe committing to college isn't the best plan for me. Okay, that's not true. I don't have issues. Well, I have issues but not with that. Oh crap. I forgot to take my Paxil. Sounds like I planned to put that in the story but I really didn't. Time to go take that and finish watching Everwood and stop thinking about all of this.

Things I've Learned

2006-05-22T18:20:00.000-04:00

When trash day is Monday and you are worried that you'll forget if you don't put it outside on the porch away from where the dog can get at it, don't do it. I say this because even when you think you are safe because you live on a busy street and it's not exactly the country, you are in fact very much not safe.
Because soon you will hear creepy rustling noises coming from outside your door and your dog will start growling menacingly and freaking you out. And then you slowly approach the door and then flip on the light and whip up the blinds all in one frantic movement.
And what do you see out on that porch in the middle of the night?

The biggest racoon I have ever seen in my life!! The thing was huge. I'm not even kidding you. It could have eaten me. I managed to scare it off by tapping on the window and begging it to leave. It looked at me with its big brown eyes and probably heard the pleading in my tone and finally meandered off down my stairs. After which I flung open the door, grabbed the trash, and slammed the door shut again as I locked it. We all slept safe last night folks.

Under the Tuscan Sun

2006-05-21T18:32:00.000-04:00

I'm going to go buy a villa in Tuscany and become a writer. I've decided just now. The lovebirds can come too and they can have an outdoor aviary that's huge for them to fly around in. Pixel and Amelie can have a big fenced in yard to run around in and Gunther can have his own bird room. I'll write outside in the sun all day and have a writing desk inside for bad days. With my inspirational gourd birdhouse from Aunt Mary hanging over the desk.

Maybe it won't exactly be Tuscany, but you know the more I live on my own and learn that I can pretty much just depend on myself, the more I want to try a new type of life. As different as possible. I don't want to fall into a rut in my life and fall back on old habits. So I'm moving.

Okay, not really. But it's nice to sit back and dream.
"What are four walls, anyway? They are what they contain. The house protects the dreamer. Unthinkably good things can happen, even late in the game. It's such a surprise."

The movie was lovely on Friday. The crowd was mostly okay, but we got there a little late so we were stuck in the very front row. I'm pretty sure Joel and I are going to see xmen3 next Friday too. We're going to try for a later show so that maybe not so many teenagers will be there.

Lunch was delightful on Friday. We went to pub99. I drove. J rode in shotgun and found the pinwheel I had bought for Sadie that she forgot. So we're driving and she's got the window rolled down with the pinwheel out of it. . . I swear, I thought it was going to fly off and take someone's eye out. Oh, and she kept turning around and stabbing B with it. lol.

The four of us were sitting there at lunch chatting and J leaned over and said, "Can I ask you what exactly happened between you and John?"
So I told her about some of it; it was probably the 1 1/2 minutes explanation.
Then she says, "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you just seem so much happier. It's like you are a totally different person. I don't even recognize you."
"Well, that's because I am a different person. I'm the girl I was when I was in high school, before I settled down at entirely too young an age and got married.."
"Well, I'm very proud of you for making such a tough and mature decision. I'm just so proud of you, hun."

I couldn't believe she said that. It was so kind of her. I feel like I have grown so much closer to the girls at work lately. Maybe I am a different person. Maybe some of the negativity going around really was just because of me. Not all of it, but some. Maybe things will be better now.

maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe someday I'll have a few of my dreams come true. :)