The idea is being happy inspite of pain....
My friend Jessica wrote that on the back of a smiley face sticker that had a bullet hole in its head. I haven't heard from her in ages. She lives in Washington state or Oregon or something. Last I heard (granted, from my ex, Jesse, who probably didn't want me talking to her because she's HIS friend and not mine. . .whatever) is that she's an apostate now and hates Jehovah's Witnesses so I guess it's just as well I don't talk to her.
I don't know how I did it but my jaw is absolutely killing me on the left side of my face. Maybe I've been grinding my teeth every night for two weeks. I really have no idea. But it was so bad Tuesday night before we left for Brian's house that I actually took the tylenol/codeine I was given for my surgery. It was giving me a headache all across the top of my head and up the side of my face as well. It's still hurting and it started hurting a couple days before my surgery. I just don't get it. It better not be tooth pain radiating into my jaw because I don't have any health insurance until January so I can't afford this. We just got my $5000 surgery bill the other day too. Life just gets better and better.
We're having to rearrange our wedding party a little bit after an intervention we had the other night. Kind of sucks and it's unexpected, but there are worse things that could happen so we're trying to just move on and forget about it. Not much else we can do. I don't want to get into it a whole lot on here because apparently John and I have managed to offend a whole lot of people without meaning to so I don't want to make it even worse.
I've gotten some of my frustration out by talking to Kerry last night and also I had called Sarah too. I asked Sarah if she thought I was making a mistake marrying John since she knows me the best out of anyone and she said that of course she didn't think that and if she did she would have told me by now. She's happy for me. So are my parents, actually. I find that amazing since they were so upset when I divorced Ray. My mom and dad have said that I'm the happiest I've been in years. I find it odd that anyone would think after going through one divorce that I'm just itching to go through another one. Just because my first marriage didn't work out doesn't mean I don't know how to make a marriage work. It means I didn't want to make it work with that person. If I hadn't been married before maybe this wouldn't be such a huge issue. I hate that too because I only want people at this wedding who are going to be totally supportive and who aren't going to be sitting there thinking "well, this one'll fail just like her first one did" or that I've done all this before so John and I should just slink off to a JP and not bother anyone with our wedding plans.
A mutual love of horror movies does not a strong marriage make. John and I have talked to death just about every issue you could imagine. What will change a year from now? Or two years from now? We'll still be living together, we'll still have not that much money, we'll still want to get married, we'll still want to have kids, etc etc.
We've been living together for a year and a half. That's a perfectly reasonable amount of time to get engaged in. And it's not even like we went out and spent some ridiculous amount on a ring. We just thought "Hey, we've been together a while. We want to get married, and it takes a long time to plan a wedding so lets just start planning." What's the big deal??
This whole situation is just an embarassment. Investing time and energy into people and things only to find out that you totally misinterpreted the whole situation. Good god. Like the guy I asked to walk me down the aisle. . .That's a whole other mess and a half. Sorry that I'm apparently a complete psycho. Every etiquette board I ever checked on that had everyone saying it was perfectly normal (especially at a second wedding) to have a friend do that for you. Sorry that my parents might not even go because it's taking place in a church. I'd really love to know whose business it is to tell me that if my dad's not going I have to walk down myself. Um, no, actually I don't. I just asked someone I thought I was better friends with. True, that was a mistake. But asking a friend in general wasn't. Not that I would make that mistake again after this catastrophe. And people just keep harping on how weird it is. Sheesh, let it go. I'm certainly trying to. I'd like to put this whole big frickin' mess behind me. I've let people walk all over me and such my entire life and it's only over the past couple years that I've started to say enough is enough. You only get so many chances with me. Brynn and Jesse are a perfect example. Man, times like these make me really miss Dawn. My therapist asked me last night if I was going to miss having my friends at my wedding (that was obviously a huge point of discussion) and I said the only one I'd really miss is Dawn.
It's funny because this post probably makes it look like I'm totally pissed off. I'm not. That's the weird thing. I'm just in total shock about this whole thing. I never would have expected this in a million years. Well, I did expect some kind of drama because of people we had filled out annullment paperwork thinking they weren't even invited to the wedding. In fact, John was saying to me, "Oh, it's a meeting of the wedding party so you should bring your wedding planner in case they have questions." I said to him there was no way I was going to need it because mark my words this night was not about wedding planning. I even said I wasn't going to go because I knew it wasn't about wedding planning. But I was assured no drama so John convinced me to go and. . . I foolishly went and then it turned out to be even worse than I was thinking.
Well, congratulations cuz let me tell you - turning a situation into something worse than what my cynical mind can imagine is quite a task. ::sigh::
We also talked to Fr. Kevin last night on the phone to check in about the annullment. All four witnesses have sent in their paperwork and I've signed my statement so the last step is me meeting with the tribunal. But we can't reserve the church until it goes through. We were looking for a bit of reassurance that this will go quickly or maybe he could just "pencil" us in, but no luck there. It was kind of a negative phone call. ::sigh:: I don't know what we'll do if this doesn't go through. We'll have to get married at Valerie and John's or something. Where will we put 100 people??. . . .
Work is sucking hard today. I keep having to ask questions. (So much so that my manager is now going to have me do CST training tomorrow. Augh.) Unfortunately I have to come in for extra training the day after thanksgiving. That sucks. It was supposed to be a four day weekend. But Kirsty is coming back early from Maine just to train me so I should be a bit more appreciative I guess. :) I told her about some of the stuff that happened (I wasn't going to go into great detail) just to make sure that she wasn't going to back out on me too. Not that I'd freak out or something. I've still got Sarah and the maid of honor is really all you need. But I just wanted to check. She basically said no way and she was surprised at how calm I was and that I hadn't gotten up and walked out because if it were her she would've stormed out with a few choice words for people and also now that she's coming home early to train me she can also go dress shopping with us on the 26th, which I'm psyched about. I even asked Valerie (John's mom) if she wanted to go with us just to browse around at "mother of the groom" dresses. So she's going (I'm picking her up), Kirsty is, Sarah is and she's bringing Sadie to try on flower girl dresses. Eeee. I'm so excited. I asked my mom if she wanted to go too but she hasn't answered me yet. We'll see.
Sarah and I were already looking at the FG dresses. They are so sweet. :)
I had such an untraditional wedding the first time around that it'll be kind of cool to go this route with John. Not that this is all about the wedding because it's so not. My first wedding I barely even cared about the details. I just wanted to be married officially, even if it was at a JP or something. This time around I care a bit more, which I think is a good sign. No one knows better than someone who's been divorced that the wedding is just one day but the marriage is a whole lot longer. As my friend Paul said, "Forever's a looooooong time."
Well, the 80's tunes are blaring out of J's computer so that's cool to listen to during the day. And tonight John and I get to go to the Cocke n' Kettle and go over reception details. I'm excited about that, though I'm losing some of my steam for the Star Wars touches we were going to throw in. But whatever. Losing steam on that just makes the details less. . . .detailed, and easier to handle so who cares. Back to work. Wow, long entry. I've got to start making these shorter and easier to read. Sorry.
I don't know how I did it but my jaw is absolutely killing me on the left side of my face. Maybe I've been grinding my teeth every night for two weeks. I really have no idea. But it was so bad Tuesday night before we left for Brian's house that I actually took the tylenol/codeine I was given for my surgery. It was giving me a headache all across the top of my head and up the side of my face as well. It's still hurting and it started hurting a couple days before my surgery. I just don't get it. It better not be tooth pain radiating into my jaw because I don't have any health insurance until January so I can't afford this. We just got my $5000 surgery bill the other day too. Life just gets better and better.
We're having to rearrange our wedding party a little bit after an intervention we had the other night. Kind of sucks and it's unexpected, but there are worse things that could happen so we're trying to just move on and forget about it. Not much else we can do. I don't want to get into it a whole lot on here because apparently John and I have managed to offend a whole lot of people without meaning to so I don't want to make it even worse.
I've gotten some of my frustration out by talking to Kerry last night and also I had called Sarah too. I asked Sarah if she thought I was making a mistake marrying John since she knows me the best out of anyone and she said that of course she didn't think that and if she did she would have told me by now. She's happy for me. So are my parents, actually. I find that amazing since they were so upset when I divorced Ray. My mom and dad have said that I'm the happiest I've been in years. I find it odd that anyone would think after going through one divorce that I'm just itching to go through another one. Just because my first marriage didn't work out doesn't mean I don't know how to make a marriage work. It means I didn't want to make it work with that person. If I hadn't been married before maybe this wouldn't be such a huge issue. I hate that too because I only want people at this wedding who are going to be totally supportive and who aren't going to be sitting there thinking "well, this one'll fail just like her first one did" or that I've done all this before so John and I should just slink off to a JP and not bother anyone with our wedding plans.
A mutual love of horror movies does not a strong marriage make. John and I have talked to death just about every issue you could imagine. What will change a year from now? Or two years from now? We'll still be living together, we'll still have not that much money, we'll still want to get married, we'll still want to have kids, etc etc.
We've been living together for a year and a half. That's a perfectly reasonable amount of time to get engaged in. And it's not even like we went out and spent some ridiculous amount on a ring. We just thought "Hey, we've been together a while. We want to get married, and it takes a long time to plan a wedding so lets just start planning." What's the big deal??
This whole situation is just an embarassment. Investing time and energy into people and things only to find out that you totally misinterpreted the whole situation. Good god. Like the guy I asked to walk me down the aisle. . .That's a whole other mess and a half. Sorry that I'm apparently a complete psycho. Every etiquette board I ever checked on that had everyone saying it was perfectly normal (especially at a second wedding) to have a friend do that for you. Sorry that my parents might not even go because it's taking place in a church. I'd really love to know whose business it is to tell me that if my dad's not going I have to walk down myself. Um, no, actually I don't. I just asked someone I thought I was better friends with. True, that was a mistake. But asking a friend in general wasn't. Not that I would make that mistake again after this catastrophe. And people just keep harping on how weird it is. Sheesh, let it go. I'm certainly trying to. I'd like to put this whole big frickin' mess behind me. I've let people walk all over me and such my entire life and it's only over the past couple years that I've started to say enough is enough. You only get so many chances with me. Brynn and Jesse are a perfect example. Man, times like these make me really miss Dawn. My therapist asked me last night if I was going to miss having my friends at my wedding (that was obviously a huge point of discussion) and I said the only one I'd really miss is Dawn.
It's funny because this post probably makes it look like I'm totally pissed off. I'm not. That's the weird thing. I'm just in total shock about this whole thing. I never would have expected this in a million years. Well, I did expect some kind of drama because of people we had filled out annullment paperwork thinking they weren't even invited to the wedding. In fact, John was saying to me, "Oh, it's a meeting of the wedding party so you should bring your wedding planner in case they have questions." I said to him there was no way I was going to need it because mark my words this night was not about wedding planning. I even said I wasn't going to go because I knew it wasn't about wedding planning. But I was assured no drama so John convinced me to go and. . . I foolishly went and then it turned out to be even worse than I was thinking.
Well, congratulations cuz let me tell you - turning a situation into something worse than what my cynical mind can imagine is quite a task. ::sigh::
We also talked to Fr. Kevin last night on the phone to check in about the annullment. All four witnesses have sent in their paperwork and I've signed my statement so the last step is me meeting with the tribunal. But we can't reserve the church until it goes through. We were looking for a bit of reassurance that this will go quickly or maybe he could just "pencil" us in, but no luck there. It was kind of a negative phone call. ::sigh:: I don't know what we'll do if this doesn't go through. We'll have to get married at Valerie and John's or something. Where will we put 100 people??. . . .
Work is sucking hard today. I keep having to ask questions. (So much so that my manager is now going to have me do CST training tomorrow. Augh.) Unfortunately I have to come in for extra training the day after thanksgiving. That sucks. It was supposed to be a four day weekend. But Kirsty is coming back early from Maine just to train me so I should be a bit more appreciative I guess. :) I told her about some of the stuff that happened (I wasn't going to go into great detail) just to make sure that she wasn't going to back out on me too. Not that I'd freak out or something. I've still got Sarah and the maid of honor is really all you need. But I just wanted to check. She basically said no way and she was surprised at how calm I was and that I hadn't gotten up and walked out because if it were her she would've stormed out with a few choice words for people and also now that she's coming home early to train me she can also go dress shopping with us on the 26th, which I'm psyched about. I even asked Valerie (John's mom) if she wanted to go with us just to browse around at "mother of the groom" dresses. So she's going (I'm picking her up), Kirsty is, Sarah is and she's bringing Sadie to try on flower girl dresses. Eeee. I'm so excited. I asked my mom if she wanted to go too but she hasn't answered me yet. We'll see.
Sarah and I were already looking at the FG dresses. They are so sweet. :)
I had such an untraditional wedding the first time around that it'll be kind of cool to go this route with John. Not that this is all about the wedding because it's so not. My first wedding I barely even cared about the details. I just wanted to be married officially, even if it was at a JP or something. This time around I care a bit more, which I think is a good sign. No one knows better than someone who's been divorced that the wedding is just one day but the marriage is a whole lot longer. As my friend Paul said, "Forever's a looooooong time."
Well, the 80's tunes are blaring out of J's computer so that's cool to listen to during the day. And tonight John and I get to go to the Cocke n' Kettle and go over reception details. I'm excited about that, though I'm losing some of my steam for the Star Wars touches we were going to throw in. But whatever. Losing steam on that just makes the details less. . . .detailed, and easier to handle so who cares. Back to work. Wow, long entry. I've got to start making these shorter and easier to read. Sorry.
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